Sunday 16th June, 2019

Ahhhh, Sunday mornings, check out planned for 3pm so had a lazy sleep in, watched some Netflix on my phone, things people without kids do on a Sunday morning. What a nice surprise it was when I got a reminder from the Air bob host about 11am checkout. Fark, I had 45 minutes to shower, make beds, wash dishes, tidy, put rubbish out and of course run to the shops for replacement Ferrero’s!! Must have conjured some super powers, I was done and dusted in one hour flat, can’t say I was looking my best at the end of it but I was out the door and that’s what counts!! Well, getting a good Air bob rating is what counts!

So what now? Feeling like a packhorse with a backpack, shopping bag and handbag I decided a chill day with a whole lotta nothing would suit me fine. And since I’d killed all hopes of it being a healthy weekend as soon as I set my eyes on Meatball, I did the unthinkable… cheesecake for breakfast!!! Well, wouldn’t say it was unthinkable… I had thought about it 100 times while trekking down Acland St past all the bakeries! Mmm, polish baked cheesecake and a coffee…. Brrrrr. No, that’s not the sound of yum, rather of disappointment… In another first, I left food on my plate. And not just any food, CHEESECAKE!! Tasted like sugar and lemon had an ugly child. How did they go so wrong? Even my Philadelphia packet cheesecake taste better, maybe I really am sick??? Maybe my expectations were too high, they usually are… but when you see this you expect delicious am I right???

Now in a minor grump on account of the crappy cheesecake, I realised I still had the Myki card in my purse, not returning that to the host would definitely be a -5 star rating. Lugging all my crap back up the road to the Air bob, somehow it felt like it’d multiplied in size and weight. All I bought was one pair of shoes and one jacket, must be a record for Melbourne!! But anyway, Myki returned, now what??? I had thought to ride the roller coaster at Luna Park but with a stomach full of lemon sugar and carrying the weight of a small child I thought probs not, so instead wandered the Esplanade on a sunny splendid morning looking at the pop up markets… trying my best to be in a mood as splendid as the day itself… failed.

What the hell is wrong with me today? Not enjoying the markets either?!? Someone got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning… Mind you, this is always the crappiest day of a trip, not just because it’s home time but rushing to check out, having to lug crap around so not being able to do anything overly useful. Determined not to waste my last hours I found the sure fire thing to make me happy: The Espy, beach views, fried chicken, gin and tunes… did not disappoint, I’m easy to please!! And even better, the toilets at the Espy are next level gorgeous. Still love nice toilets, I’ll add that to the list of interests on my Tinder profile…

So in my chill state at the Espy I had time alone with my thoughts, which can be dangerous but in this case, positive and reflective. I realised that the thing I love about cities, is getting lost in the crowd. Being anonymous. Amongst the hustle and bustle, no one really cares who you are or what pain you carry. You can be anyone and the truth is, no one actually gives a shit because to them, you are no one and not in the cool Arya Stark faceless man kind of way. I like being no one, no expectations, no demands. Hmmm, it started positive…

With time up my sleeve, I did a triple check of the Skybus timetable, all on track to catch the… oh wait, double fark… that’s the weekday timetable… now, take a minute to picture me legging it through St Kilda, in the rain, with three bags, umbrella, in boots, and with a belly of chicken and gin, and that gross cheesecake still lingering… yeah, I’m sure it looked as good as it sounds… managed to get to the Skybus stop with 2 minutes to spare, thank my lucky stars for triple checking. Feeling relieved, I took my seat, dripping in rain and sweat only to watch as the bus spent the next 20 minutes doing the rounds of St Kilda only to end up at a stop just outside The Espy… you have got to be farkin’ kidding me… how I made it around Europe in one piece is beyond me… out of practice… at least the ride is pretty…

The saving grace in all the bus drama and nonsense, USB charging docks on the bus… buzzinga! If only I could plug myself in, exhausted, wet and just kinda over it, charge needed, or gin, or chocolate, or all of the above…

After what seemed like a tour of The Block properties, past The Gatwick and that big black box one, finally at the airport and quite frankly too bloody tired to care about stuffing my pockets with my crap to avoid the 7kg Tiger carry-on limit. In a stroke of luck, Tiger don’t have a mandatory weigh in, rather a harmless looking woman wanders the crowd looking for people that may have been trying to push the 7kg limit with a suitcase the size of a small country. I think she took one look at me with my rain infused poodle hair, running eyeliner and wet boots and either felt sorry for me or saw from the look on my face it wasn’t worth messing with that one!! Little column A, mostly column B…

Finally boarding time, once again the plane is parked in the middle of a runway and Melbourne’s farewell was much like its welcome, wet!! Love you anyway Melbs ❤️