Thursday 22nd August – Monday 26th August 2019

Corfu baby!! And it’s pronounced Cor-fu, not Cor-few like us Aussie bogans like to call it. Have to admit, I did nothing to help book or plan this trip, the fate of my first Greek adventure is in the hands of Kyles and the Geordie…

Thursday morning was spent living the jobless life which is pretty darn good so far… coffee, shower, coffee, apply for jobs, coffee, apply for house sits, coffee, pack, coffee…

With the Geordie driving us to Gatwick and Kyles somehow doing work on her laptop in the back, it was up to me to try convince him that Gang of Youths is THE best band in the world right now. Followed closely by Ocean Alley. For a dude who’s musical preferences are Elvis and Sinatra, I had a battle on my hands!!

Finally at Gatwick waaay early cos the peeps I’m with are super organised, I continued to be a sheep and just follow. Is it then my fault that we ended up in a tapas bar drinking wine and eating hommus while our flight was delayed?? Possibly. After putting up with some ignorant loud twats in the bar, it was Corfuuuuu here we come. Unfortunately it was an easyJet flight who are the Tiger Airlines of Australia. Flights ALWAYS late, charge you just to breathe the air on the plane… but who needs air when there’s wine?!?! How do a Geordie, blonde and funny Sheila entertain themselves on a flight???

A touchdown, customs in the worlds smallest airport and a taxi ride later and woo hoo, we’re in Corfu!! Already “happy” from an eventful flight it was a case of drop the bags, get pretty and head out to hunt down a DJ Kyles had heard about. Didn’t find the DJ but did find an epic waterside bar with a dance floor. Kyles being the friendly one of the bunch, she made friends with the locals. Unfortunately they couldn’t understand a word coming out of the Geordie’s mouth!!

We may have lost track of time and returned to the hotel around 2am (give or take a few hours, ok give…) to find it locked and wine consumption hindering our ability to work out how the hell to get in. After some bickering and tense words, the doorman on duty let us in. The rest of what happened that night is definitely a case of what happens on tour stays on tour. Ask no questions I tell no lies…

How to describe Friday… sunshine, beautiful city, delicious food, great company… or I could be honest… hangover, 36 degree heat, sweat, grumpy Holly and three people hardly talking because we overslept and missed the ferry to Albania. I should have been more empathetic to Kyles, going to Albania was the main reason we made the trip to Corfu, she was beyond disappointed. Unfortunately I was a shit friend that instead stuffed my face full of pancakes and bacon and could hardly string a sentence together on account of the banging in my head. NEVER DRINKING WINE AGAIN!!! There was a reason I switched to gin. The bacon kinda helped, as it always does. So did eating half of Kylie’s…

Putting on a brave face and trying not to waste a beautiful day in Corfu before heading to Sidari, we wandered the old town, took in the bloody beautiful sites and I avoided any photo evidence of my hangover… note the lack of my ever present selfies…

With Kyles disappointed, the Geordie thirsty and me, well, being a grumpy pain in the arse if I’m honest, we decided the best bet was to jump on the bus to Sidari, drop our stuff in the room then wash off the hangover in the sparkling ocean. For a day where nothing went to plan, of course Google maps doesn’t like Corfu and the ten minute walk to the bus station turned into an hour trek through Corfu’s cobbled hilly streets in 36 degree heat dragging a suitcase. I tried to put on a brave face, as soon as we hit the bus station I shoved ice cream and cold coke into my dehydrated hungover body then face planted on the table for a nap, leaving Kyles to ponder for the next two hours whether she still wanted to be my friend. The Geordie found a different bus stop, the one with a pub of course!! So apparently the bus ride to Sidari is gorgeous, wouldn’t know, said face planting on the bus station table transitioned to face planting on the bus window. I’d stay stop rolling your eyes Mum but have a feeling there is plenty more of that to come…

Arriving in Sidari, it looked like old school Greece. Pink houses, olive trees, hills and concrete gardens. Wogs love their concrete. Being a sheep and following my Shepard’s to the accommodation, I have to admit I was dubious, as much as a thumping headache would allow anyway. The slightly unkept road was sparse, with a few massive double story Greek houses with pools. Apparently that’s how they roll in Sidari. Rocking up at Maria’s, the Geordie’s name was written on a piece of paper and stuck to an open apartment door, guess that one’s ours??? I think there was some sort of check in process, wouldn’t know, I found a bed and an air conditioner and was out for the count. I woke at 8pm to the snores of a Geordie, Kyles on the other hand hadn’t wasted the day, she’d found the beaches, town centre and watched the sunset, found the beach bars and indulged in a cocktail or two. Grumpy Holly turned into disappointed Holly for wasting the short time we had in Greece. But we got our shit together and Kyles took us to an epic beach bar over looking the ocean, suave tunes and a Greek waiter that was confused about it currently being winter in Australia. A gin cocktail and Gyros later and happy Holly had returned, tail between her legs for being a grumpy hangover arse. On our journey back to Maria’s, the sound of the Zorba drew us into a local where a Greek god was dancing, needless to say we convinced the Geordie to stay and watch… yeah, dude from 50 Shades of Grey but hotter and with a Greek accent… no words…

Starting the next day with a clear head and a need to redeem the grump from the previous day, I joined Kyles by the pool for the first of many cocktail and chill sessions. The Geordie earnt brownie points by getting me ice cream for breakfast. Ok, we’ll keep him. Wish I could say the rest of the day was filled with culture, adventure and embracing Greek tradition. The most culture I got was a second serving of gyros and Mythos beer… but when you have this setting, what else is there to do except cocktail and chill?? BTW, it’s pronounced yee-ros, kinda like we say it in RADelaide, not guy-rows like a certain Aussie bogan ordered it!!

Cocktail and chill is all good unless you’re Kylie who has ants in her pants and within 5 minutes of me tucking into my meaty goodness had booked us in for an afternoon of parasailing… sure, why the hell not!!! Parasailing has to be one of my all time favourite things in the world to do. Being launched into the sky to breeze over beautiful scenery with a dip in the ocean. Could have stayed up there forever had it not been for the harness causing an epic wedgie! Kyles who was strapped on behind me had one worse, and had to guide us into landing as well, of course she did it like a pro!! Wish I could have taken pics of the sights up there, can’t stop smiling just thinking of it. The Geordie stayed grounded and was designated photographer, scared of heights maybe??? May have found a weakness…

On a high from well, literally being high, we sunbaked for 0.5 seconds and then were off again, cocktails in hand and onto this masterpiece of fun!!! A paddle boat WITH a slippery dip, I never knew such magnificence existed!!! The dude wasn’t bad either…

A little worried Kylie might want to try paddle to Albania, I took the wheel (it was a stick) and steered us around the coast, past the buoy for Crazy Shark and out into the beautiful Adriatic Sea (may have had to google that!). Somehow warm water negates my fear of sharks cos we hurled down the slippery dip and into way too deep to touch water for hours without a care in the world. Or maybe it was the cocktails?? Either way it was so much bloody fun, think maybe I should start a business adventure and bring paddle slides to RADelaide!!

We may have been a little overambitious with our paddling out and around the coast, forgetting we had to paddle back. Needless to say we did make it to shore cos I’m here to tell the tale!! With Saturday already being 200% better than the hangover the day before, we indulged the Geordie and headed to the local watering hole where all the Brits in Sidari had assembled to watch England take on Ireland in the football, or soccer, or maybe it was rugby??? The dudes had squished faces so must have been rugby… in any case, the Geordie proceeded to make friends with the poms in the pub and before we knew it, Paul and Gail from Wales were coming on our sunset walk, wait a minute, they’re Welsh, I’m confused… long story short, England annihilated Ireland (apparently), was kinda nice to be barracking for the same team as the Geordie for a change cos heaven knows he has bad taste in soccer and cricket. So two aussies, two Welshmen and a Geordie set off on a walk… sounds like the start of a joke… the joke is that the secret sunset viewing location that Kyles led us to was quite literally on the deck of our Welsh friends hotel, yeah, they were kinda loaded… while they headed to the bar, we took in one of the most beautiful sites I’ve had the chance to behold, sunset over the cliffs in Corfu… no words…

After staring into the sunset and getting a little emo in our thoughts, we joined our new friends on the deck of their hotel, about 10 steps away. This Geordie knows how to pick his friends, our two new friends were on all inclusive packages at their hotel and proceeded to bring us all beer after beer after beer after beer… all free. I decided to like beer.

After chatting away with our new mates and over staying our welcome we wandered back to Maria’s which paled in comparison to the sunset deck hotel but who cares, it’s about the company right?? Not five star resorts right??? On our trek back Kyles desire for squid side tracked us, not that we argued, eating, drinking and sun baking seems to be what Sidari is all about! I tried to be traditional and ordered moussaka, I would have taken a pic but as normal my hunger got the better of me, annihilated it in record time… slippery dips and paddling works up a hell of an appetite… I’ll just keep telling myself that… Back at the apartment there was somehow space for chocolate and one more drink, as there always is… sitting on our balcony overlooking the pool, we were the ignorant loud twats, taking it in turns to play our favorite tunes. Kyles played techno dance music from Tomorrowland, Nora player Elvis, AC/DC, Sinatra and I was on it with Aussie rock gods, Amy Shark, Gang of Youths and Silverchair, could you get more different musical tastes???? How are we even friends??

With Sunday funday being our last whole day in Sidari, Kyles and I left the Geordie asleep and made our best efforts to do something cultured, drinking and sun baking didn’t quite feel like the authentic Greece experience. Still being earlyish, we stopped by the tour center to see if there was anything we could do that day. No tours available. We considered getting a taxi to the monastery but it was 70 euro, that’s $140 Aussie one way, fark. Went to the car and scooter hire place, can’t hire a car or a scooter without an international drivers license, FFS!! There was literally NOTHING to do besides eat, drink and sunbake… when life gives you lemons, make a gin and tonic… and that’s what we did!!! Gyros, cocktails and sun baking.

Needless to say Kylie was bored after two minutes so went shopping and returned with a unicorn, flamingo and donut, of the floaty variety!!! Yeah, floating in the ocean on a donut with a cocktail, doesn’t get much more perfect. Kyles obvs has the unicorn and why the Geordie ended up with the flamingo made us question more than his aversion to heights. To his credit, or possibly his drunkedness, we managed to convince him to join us for more paddle slide action, this time with our unicorn, flamingo and donut in tow. Somehow I managed the luxury of dangling my feet in the water while the other two paddled their arses off to get us out to sea, and possibly halfway to Albania?!? More slippery dip action, Nora for some reason wouldn’t partake, no idea why. Geez that was fun, there really is nothing like swimming in the ocean. With a slippery dip. And a cocktail. And a donut. And music. And besties!!

With the Geordie desperate to watch his team lose at the soccer, (he keeps calling it football, doesn’t he know what real football is????) we headed back to shore. Somewhere in the afternoon, I had a nap on the deck chair, Kyles hired a kayak and the Geordie went to watch the soccer. All fun but I was napping so can’t comment on whether they had fun?!?! This really is a bit of a one sided story… after more floating and more cocktails and more food, we wrapped ourselves in our floaties and walked back to the hotel to ready ourselves for dinner, cos we needed more food and drinks right?? With the Geordie still preoccupied with soccer, Kyles and I found a candlelit beach side restaurant for our romantic dinner. Half way into our dinner of ribs, chicken and seafood, the Geordie made an appearance. Not sure whether it was him being clumsy or payback for my grumpy behaviour Friday but I ended up wearing a frozen cocktail in my lap and down my front. Knowing the Geordie, just clumsy!!! In all honesty though, I was beat. With sticky clothes and feet I headed back to the room to sleep and the other two headed off to meet our Welsh friends for karaoke. Anyone that has heard me sing knows I made the right choice. They had an awesome night, as did I, sometimes sleep is the best medicine, or I’m just getting old… feel free not to comment on that one!!

Somehow even with 5 times the amount of sleep than the other two, I woke Sunday feel like crapola, maybe just knowing our holiday in Sidari was over, no wait… I’m permanently on holiday, no reason for feeling like crap, go back to that old age excuse?? Anyways, we got our shit together and onto the 7am bus back to Corfu, this time I kept my eyes open as the bus wound through too tiny streets and across an absolutely beautiful countryside that seemed to epitomise Greek countryside once again, pink houses, tractors, trees, rolling hills, and men sitting in their shorts drinking coffee outside cafes. Can’t believe I was a mattress head and missed it the first time!

Jumping off the bus in Corfu, we knew better than to try rely on Google maps to get us to the airport so instead gave it an easy job, find us food!! Pretty sure it was Kylie not Google that found us a little cafe run by the most charming gentleman, he seemed to take a liking to me, took me inside the cafe to show me the eggs his chickens laid and somehow I managed to order us breakfast. No menu, he was just bringing us breakfast!! Eggs, sausage, cheese, ham, smooshed beans, crusty bread, tomato, cucumber and dead horse, Kyles had to explain that one to the Geordie!! The traditional Greek coffee was strong as hell with what seemed like mud, yummy mud, at the bottom. Pretty sure that coffee got me through the next 3 days!! Heading off, awesome Greek cafe dude pointed us in the direction of the taxi rank, and offered to drive us if we couldn’t find one. He also gave me a massive hug which was sweet. Maybe they don’t get many blondes in Corfu??

We did manage to jump in a cab and finally get back to the worst airport in the world – ok, probs not the worst but certainly tiny and full of lines. A line to get into the airport (like through the front door), 45 minute line for bag drop, line through security, line through passport control, line for the loo, line for boarding, line to get onto the bus to the plane, line to get onto the plane… doesn’t help I have a talent to pick the slowest line. Finally on the plane, all seated separately cos it’s easyJet, the family between Nora and I were nice enough to swap seats so we could sit together. Lucky me, got to fulfill my life long ambition of being a pillow…but an asleep Geordie is the best kind!!

Back to Brixton at last and we were well and truly pooped, the Geordie had a 5 hour drive back to Newcastle, Kyles had to get ready for work the next day and me, I had a day of adulting planned!!