Melbourne

Epic fails

Sunday 16th June, 2019

Ahhhh, Sunday mornings, check out planned for 3pm so had a lazy sleep in, watched some Netflix on my phone, things people without kids do on a Sunday morning. What a nice surprise it was when I got a reminder from the Air bob host about 11am checkout. Fark, I had 45 minutes to shower, make beds, wash dishes, tidy, put rubbish out and of course run to the shops for replacement Ferrero’s!! Must have conjured some super powers, I was done and dusted in one hour flat, can’t say I was looking my best at the end of it but I was out the door and that’s what counts!! Well, getting a good Air bob rating is what counts!

So what now? Feeling like a packhorse with a backpack, shopping bag and handbag I decided a chill day with a whole lotta nothing would suit me fine. And since I’d killed all hopes of it being a healthy weekend as soon as I set my eyes on Meatball, I did the unthinkable… cheesecake for breakfast!!! Well, wouldn’t say it was unthinkable… I had thought about it 100 times while trekking down Acland St past all the bakeries! Mmm, polish baked cheesecake and a coffee…. Brrrrr. No, that’s not the sound of yum, rather of disappointment… In another first, I left food on my plate. And not just any food, CHEESECAKE!! Tasted like sugar and lemon had an ugly child. How did they go so wrong? Even my Philadelphia packet cheesecake taste better, maybe I really am sick??? Maybe my expectations were too high, they usually are… but when you see this you expect delicious am I right???

Now in a minor grump on account of the crappy cheesecake, I realised I still had the Myki card in my purse, not returning that to the host would definitely be a -5 star rating. Lugging all my crap back up the road to the Air bob, somehow it felt like it’d multiplied in size and weight. All I bought was one pair of shoes and one jacket, must be a record for Melbourne!! But anyway, Myki returned, now what??? I had thought to ride the roller coaster at Luna Park but with a stomach full of lemon sugar and carrying the weight of a small child I thought probs not, so instead wandered the Esplanade on a sunny splendid morning looking at the pop up markets… trying my best to be in a mood as splendid as the day itself… failed.

What the hell is wrong with me today? Not enjoying the markets either?!? Someone got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning… Mind you, this is always the crappiest day of a trip, not just because it’s home time but rushing to check out, having to lug crap around so not being able to do anything overly useful. Determined not to waste my last hours I found the sure fire thing to make me happy: The Espy, beach views, fried chicken, gin and tunes… did not disappoint, I’m easy to please!! And even better, the toilets at the Espy are next level gorgeous. Still love nice toilets, I’ll add that to the list of interests on my Tinder profile…

So in my chill state at the Espy I had time alone with my thoughts, which can be dangerous but in this case, positive and reflective. I realised that the thing I love about cities, is getting lost in the crowd. Being anonymous. Amongst the hustle and bustle, no one really cares who you are or what pain you carry. You can be anyone and the truth is, no one actually gives a shit because to them, you are no one and not in the cool Arya Stark faceless man kind of way. I like being no one, no expectations, no demands. Hmmm, it started positive…

With time up my sleeve, I did a triple check of the Skybus timetable, all on track to catch the… oh wait, double fark… that’s the weekday timetable… now, take a minute to picture me legging it through St Kilda, in the rain, with three bags, umbrella, in boots, and with a belly of chicken and gin, and that gross cheesecake still lingering… yeah, I’m sure it looked as good as it sounds… managed to get to the Skybus stop with 2 minutes to spare, thank my lucky stars for triple checking. Feeling relieved, I took my seat, dripping in rain and sweat only to watch as the bus spent the next 20 minutes doing the rounds of St Kilda only to end up at a stop just outside The Espy… you have got to be farkin’ kidding me… how I made it around Europe in one piece is beyond me… out of practice… at least the ride is pretty…

The saving grace in all the bus drama and nonsense, USB charging docks on the bus… buzzinga! If only I could plug myself in, exhausted, wet and just kinda over it, charge needed, or gin, or chocolate, or all of the above…

After what seemed like a tour of The Block properties, past The Gatwick and that big black box one, finally at the airport and quite frankly too bloody tired to care about stuffing my pockets with my crap to avoid the 7kg Tiger carry-on limit. In a stroke of luck, Tiger don’t have a mandatory weigh in, rather a harmless looking woman wanders the crowd looking for people that may have been trying to push the 7kg limit with a suitcase the size of a small country. I think she took one look at me with my rain infused poodle hair, running eyeliner and wet boots and either felt sorry for me or saw from the look on my face it wasn’t worth messing with that one!! Little column A, mostly column B…

Finally boarding time, once again the plane is parked in the middle of a runway and Melbourne’s farewell was much like its welcome, wet!! Love you anyway Melbs ❤️

June 18, 2019 0

Warriors and wizards

Saturday 15th June, 2019

When warriors and wizards beckon, you skiddadle! Up and onto the tram in lightning speed, only to realise there’s a tram that goes directly past the National Gallery, my destination for the morning. Oh well, nothing like a walk to build up an appetite… for warriors. First time warriors have won out over bacon, actually, first time anything has beaten bacon, I think I’m sick…

So maybe this tram detour was a good thing, time to stroll along Southbank, smell all the yumminess from the restaurants… I think bacon is winning again… but in an effort to be on time for the session, my stomach takes a back seat for possibly the first time in my life and I’m wandering up to the gallery spot on 11… how is it I’ve been to Melbourne a zillion times and never seen how magnificent the National Gallery is?? Possibly because I’ve been too consumed with football or shopping, or maybe because I’m now at an age where I’m appreciating culture…

Heading into the exhibition I smugly thank my lucky stars I bought a ticket online and didn’t have to join the massive cue. Then around the corner, oh, another massive cue of smug peeps just like me. Cue to buy a ticket, cue once you have a ticket, and another cue around the corner to enter, lucky I’m not impatient…

Not sure if it was the wizarding world beckoning or just a general lack of interest in old bowls, the first room of the exhibition was a bit of a snooze, except for this dagger, wonder if it’s Valyrian steel…

But the next room is the money shot. The terracottta warriors themselves. Not sure what I really expected, knew there were only 16 on show but maybe I expected more of a cultured display, if that’s even the word?? Each warrior had its own pristine white mirrored display case, which had some epic inception type reflections, but they seemed a bit, lonely?? Maybe that was just my reflection. Nevertheless, they are magnificent. The expressions on their faces, their different hairstyles and moustaches, each serving a particular purpose – an archer, a warrior, an official, a swordsman, even in terracotta it was clear that back in the day you were one thing. Your role defined who you were in the world and how your life would be. Sometimes I wonder whether being just one thing would be more freeing than trying so hard to be so many people – a daughter, sister, aunty, cousin, friend, marketing manager, traveller, psychologist, widow… but maybe I am just one thing, I’m Holly. Ok – not sure how I went from warriors to defining my life but anyways… these dudes were impressive, I could imagine that in their thousands lined up they would have been quite the sight. But somehow there’s also a sadness to it all, how many people gave their lives to make these warriors? Certainly all the craftsman that got locked in the tomb so they wouldn’t share the secret of its location, and the concubines that had to be buried with the king for his afterlife… we certainly do live in a very different world to when these dudes were created. Grateful!

Teamed with the exhibition of the warriors was the art of Cai Guo-Qiang, a contemporary Chinese artist… may have had to google that one!! Not a massive fan of contemporary art, or possibly just don’t even know what it is. But wow, the first room looked a little something like this…

All these starling birds hanging from the ceiling to look like they are flying together in a murmuration – that phenomenon when they seem somehow connected, change direction together, seem to know exactly what one another are doing. Go google it!! And yes, I had to google to remember it was called a murmuration… The birds weren’t moving but still spectacular, even more so given the birds weren’t painted but covered in paint from explosions, hard to explain, you had to see the video!!! All the other pictures from the artist were colour explosions on canvas, didn’t quite wow me like the starlings but each to their own.

I probably legged it through the contemporary part of the exhibition quicker than a normal joe blow but time was ticking… mapping my way to Princess theatre, I coincidentally had to go past Hozier Ave again and that adidas jacket that I still had very strong feelings for… I was kinda cold, and didn’t bring a jacket today on account of all the buttons falling off my other one, damn those $$$ jumping out of my purse again but it looks good and winter is coming…

So finally back at Princess theatre there’s a few other lucky punks lingering but arriving at 12.25pm as the box office opened worked in my favour and I was first through the door, lucky I didn’t wait til 1!! I was a lucky punk today, scored a ticket to parts 1 and 2, woo hoo, cost me a small fortune but experiences are worth it, and adidas jackets…

So by now you’ve probs noticed a severe lack of bacon in my day, and coffee… finally tickets in hand, it was food time. Funny how even though I can be rushing somewhere a million miles an hour, I can still take note of yummo restaurants and somehow without a map find my way back, maybe a not so bad sense of direction after all, at least when it comes to food!! The place I noticed in my mad dash, MEATBALLS! Kid you not, what it’s called! Knew this place couldn’t disappoint, how do you go wrong with meatballs?? Well, if I’m cooking maybe but just forking out dough this time. By golly, it was heaven on a plate!! Keto diet firmly out of the window, it was pork and fennel meatballs in a home style Italian sauce with fresh parpadelle pasta, basil and Parmesan…one of the yummiest things I’ve ever eaten in my life!!!

And then, it was wizarding time!! I don’t hide the fact I’m a massive Harry Potter fan, never too old for magic! My ticket was in the Grand Dress Circle so the bit right at the top but could still see everything. Obvs no pictures allowed during the show and they are pretty adamant you #keepthese rets from the story so won’t spill!! Set looks like this and let’s just say, there’s moments where I did truly wonder if I was seeing magic!!

Part 1, although a little slow at the start while setting the scene for 19 years later, it ended in a cliffhanger which made part 2 all the more exciting! First part was a bit over 2 hours, understand the two part thing now!!

So, with just under 3 hours to burn before part 2, being kinda tired from all my “legging it” and still kinda full from meatballs I had no desire to do anything overly useful, with a Starbucks right in front of me, seemed like a good option. Comfy seat, good coffee and power for my phone. Got two out of three! And some down time to blog. Somehow, probs due to the lunchtime carb overload I was kinda hungry again so was on the hunt for cheap n healthy, and close!! Once again, I somehow recalled the Grill’d I’d run past earlier and strolled on over. Have to say, while it turns out a low carb BBQ brisket burger (with bacon) and zucchini fries ain’t cheap or overly healthy, damn it was good!

And yet, still I had another hour to waste and more power needed, and not the football kind, they lost. So back to Starbucks to try my luck on an Almond latte, had been trying to get on the almond milk bandwagon unsuccessfully so far… and with a coupe of Splenda sugars in there, ain’t half bad!! Took the same seat, plugged in and hey look, there’s my water bottle I left last time! Good to see the Starbucks staff are diligent with their cleaning up! Don’t mind me, I’ll just blog away…

So in what was a pretty awesome day so far, my only conundrum was that with an iPhone 7, you can’t charge your phone AND listen to music at the same time as they use the same jack. Serious design flaw. But when that’s the worst thing to happen in your day, pretty bloody good!!

And back to the theatre for part 2… May have had a little stitch from climbing all the stairs with a belly full of everything, but wow, just wow. The effects were amazing, the story bloody brilliant and the whole thing, well, magical. Loved delving back into the world of Harry Potter. Surely they can make this story into a movie?? So many parts I loved but I had to solemnly swear to #keepthesecrets… just get yourself to the theatre and see if for yourself!!!

Wrapping up at the theatre at 10.30pm, I did have an invite to a friends gig in Clifton Hill but feeling exhausted from all that magic, I trammed it back to my Air bob and raided the hosts stash of Ferrero Rocher, she did say to help myself to anything?? But one Ferrero in and I’ve regretted not heading out. Could have done with some tunes and a couple of gins to round off an epic, massively enjoyable day!!!

June 17, 2019 0

Keep calm, I’m a citizen…

Friday 14th June, 2019

Mmm, don’t you love those days where you wake up and there’s no urgent place to be, no one hassling you, no alarm interrupting the peace?? If you have kids you probs haven’t experienced this for a very long time, but this was my Friday… while everyone worked away, I slept in, woke to panda eyes and nothing and no one. Ok, now it’s getting a bit sad…

After the aforementioned sleep in, some sense of urgency kicked in and I wanted to be out and about, or was it just a stomach screaming for bacon?? On the recommendation of a good friend, I headed to Degraves St in the city – mastering these trams, even got off at the right stop, and paid for the trip this time…

Two things I love to do, I love to eat and I love to people watch, brunch on Degraves St was the best of both worlds! One of Melbourne’s bustling laneways with eateries smack bang down the middle for nosy people like me to sit back and watch, eat, and hoover coffee. Controversial, but is it possible Melbourne has better coffee than RADelaide??

People watching in Melbourne, love it because like London, they just don’t give a fuck. Sneakers with jeans, leggings as pants, wanky hairstyles and curled mustaches. They are who they are, good for them! I really should stop caring what people think about me. It was my New Years resolution after all, which probably destined it to fail… What I’m really noticing are couples holding hands. Maybe cos I’m a desperate single loser or maybe because I appreciate love. It’s refreshing, gives me hope that one day I’ll walk down a bustling lane way holding the hand of the person I love. It’s also confusing me that it’s 11am and it’s full of private school kids, that’s an epic amount of school fees going to waste… Geez I’m showing my age…

Oh my gob, check out my brekky omelette, is there anything better than the oily sheen of melted cheese and bacon?? Ok, maybe world peace but anyway… yummers…

So after divulging in two of my favourite loves, I google the crap out of what to do in Melbourne without spending any money. There’s an exhibition of Terracotta warriors at the National Art Gallery, my heart momentarily misses a beat, is it free??? Nope, just smart advertising, which I fall for and book a ticket for the next day… missed those dudes when I went to China… and now for free entertainment… street art, I’m in. And in a convenient twist of fate, the number 2 place in Melbourne is quite literally within eyeshot and the number 1 place 100m down the laneway, winning!!

Unfortunately the pesky business of well, being open for business means the street art on the roller doors down Centre Place isn’t overly visible, but still a kool kat laneway…

The 100m walk down the laneway to the number one place somehow ended up 500m for me, did I mention my serious lack of any sense of direction? My detour did take me past Federation Square, I still don’t get it.

Turn the corner into Hozier Lane and quite literally walk into people stopped taking pictures, my bad for looking at the walls instead of where I was going, sorry to the 5 Chinese tourists I just tripped over… but if you saw the sight, you’d understand why! An explosion of colour, personality, art and statements all over the walls. Now this is my kind of art gallery!!! Pictures really don’t do it justice, I’m sure the pictures on google are 100 times better but here are my faves, of course the Posty one being my absolute fave, now have a picture with the man himself… kinda…

Amongst all the colour, school kids and tourists, is one store that’s a teenage boys wet dream, Culture King. I don’t feel cool enough (or young enough) to go in but what the hell, not caring what people think right? 10 steps in and I fall in love… with a quilted black adidas jacket, I have a feeling this “free” street art adventure might be quite costly… I resisted the urge to drop a small fortune on love and exited stage left, not before making a note to google the jacket one line…

So the reason I came to Melbourne in the first place was to get my British citizenship, with the 2pm deadline on my mind, I knew it was one appointment I didn’t want to miss so I wandered around close to the British Consulate on Collins St… is it my fault that a pair of Tiger sneakers jumped onto my feet and the $$ out of my bank account?? I blame the consulate for being too close to shops… I may have already stalked the shoes online and planned to buy them as my European wandering shoes anyway… they are very cute, hiding those ugly feet…

So wandering up to the consulate, it hit me like a sledge hammer, I’d bloody forgot to bring the oath I’d printed out, now sitting securing in my backpack back at the St Kilda Air bob. Crapola. Hopefully they accept new age millennials that read the oath on their phone, and look mid to late 30’s… arriving at the consulate, which looks nothing like the commanding British embassy I had imagined, just a boring old office building, there’s signs on the door directing you to enter via the side Alley. Huh?? Am I at the right place? And then I see them, the “Free Julian Assange” protestors I’d blindly, and ignorantly just walked past. Am I really that consumed in my own world that I didn’t see them? There were police and everything!! Maybe I am more of a narcissist than I’d ever realised… while I’m sympathetic to their cause, I once again turn a blind eye and head down the side alley, funny how turning a blind eye when convenient seems to be done by most people these days, myself included. Maybe instead of not caring what people think, my New Years resolution should have been to advocate for something?? There is that age old saying after all, “if you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything”… Citizenship, get your head in the game Holster, and there I am being a knob and referring to myself in the third person AGAIN!!

Pulling a sneaky and heading down the side alley I finally found my way to the small group of people waiting to bend the knee to the Queenie… and there amongst the group was a super prepared angel who’d printed multiple copies of the oath, god I love a perfectionist, always prepared, she even had a citizenship binder with all the forms and research! Let’s call her Angela.. Angela also had to fly in from Adelaide for the ceremony, however she did it the hard way and caught a red eye this morning and is back home tonight, apparently has kids that need watering or something… Angela was nice enough, passed the time chatting about her son’s desire to be a pilot, he’s 4. Kid knows what he wants to with with his life at 4 and I’m still trying to figure my shit out!!! I do wander how hard it would be to become a pilot, imagine if I could just fly myself everywhere, all over the world?!? Thanks Angela, you might be my angel in more ways than one… Finally, shrouded in security, ok, just one dude, we’re escorted upstairs, signed in, ID checked and taken to our ceremony destination. Hmmm, apart from the ridiculously gorgeous view over the city, it literally looks like a leftover office with a picture of the Queen on the wall and a British flag standing proud. Hmm, not all the pomp and ceremony I expected. The lady running the show, let’s call her Daniela, cos that’s her name, apologised for how basic the ceremony is, apparently they lack budget, she has a glorious Italian accent so she’s forgiven. Why an Italian is running a British ceremony is have no idea but play along. An overly informative dude, let’s call him Douche, informs Daniela that when you get your Australian Citizenship you get champagne and a Buffett. Shut up Douche, I’m on Daniela’s side, after all we’re probably related…

In what was scheduled as a 3 hour appointment in my calendar was literally done and dusted in half hour, with time to spare for the granny of Douche to tell us how when she got her Australian Citizenship in 1929, they just posted you the certificate in the mail. Geez bananas, how old are you Granny Douche?? So the ceremony itself literally requires you to stand up in front of everyone, recite the oath, sign a piece of paper then smile for a selfie with Queenie. Unlike the prepared Angela, I’d only glanced at the page with the oath, while the others were affirming their allegiance, I realised that there were two versions to choose from, one where you swear to the Almighty God, and another where you just swear, and not in my favorite F word kind of way. Dilemma, to swear to God or not?? I’ve been steadily on the fence regarding my beliefs in God for the last few years, I have questions that I can’t seem to find an answer to. But like when I’m at church and there’s the conundrum as to whether to take communion or not, I choose to be safe rather than sorry. Until I choose to say without question I don’t believe, I need to have faith. So in 15 seconds flat I’ve bent the knee, signed away my heritage and become a Brit. I surprisingly feel quite chauffed, so I break out the scones with jam and cream and ask the crowd if they fancy a cuppa??? Only joking, was proud, just not cool enough to pull that off, am tempted to speak in a British accent the rest of the day but that’d make me a knob right???

With an extra two and a half hours up my sleeve, I was curious. Curious as to whether I could leg it to the Princess Theatre and snag a ticket to the sold out Harry Potter and the Cursed Child the next day, I wonder…. in another stroke of luck, the theatre was only a 10 minute walk away, Melbourne is willing me to have a great time!! Arriving at the theatre and seeing all the Harry Potter paraphernalia, my heart yearned for a ticket. I’d checked for tickets online a second after my flights were booked but it was already sold out. In my search for tickets I read somewhere that if you’re lucky, you can snag a ticket at the theatre box office, the question was, are you feeling lucky, punk??

Lucky is apparently not my middle name… the lovely young lady at the box office had no tickets for sale but gave me the tip to come back one hour before the performance started to see if there were any available. Hmm, have to return at 1pm Saturday, lucky I’m a prepared Angela and booked my terracotta warrior ticket for 1pm tomorrow. Bananas. Seeing if I was in fact a punk, rang the National Art Gallery to see if I could change my ticket to an earlier session and what do ya know, lucky is my middle name! Booked in for 11am instead. Melbourne loves me.

With time on my side, I wandered the laneways and somehow (ok I know how) ended up at Bourke St mall, spot of shopping wouldn’t hurt right?? I had only bought one pair of shoes and it’s Melbourne after all. Lucky for me all the jeans in Zara were made for dwarfs (or fun size people if I’m being politically correct), pissing me off enough to give up on shopping, really hate shopping in person anyway, much prefer the excitement of buying online, opening the package full of hope, then it not fitting…

So back on the tram, got the number right, the direction wrong… take two and I’m going to the right direction back to St Kilda, and this time determined to get off at the right stop. Alas, I disembark a five minute walk from my Air bob and right in front of a kebab shop, yiros shop for those reading from Adelaide. Takeaway in hand, short stroll to the apartment and I’m in a very familiar situation, sitting on the couch eating dinner and watching You’re The Worst on telly… bad habits don’t die, even on holidays… feeling comfy and satisfied I contemplated for half, maybe one second, staying in rather then heading out again to a concert at The Esplanade Hotel. After that one second I slapped myself on the head and asked WTF? Live music by the beach, two of my favourite things, why wouldn’t ya? So with Silverchair cranking in my headphones, the albums of which have become my soundtrack for the weekend, I took a leisurely and kinda cold stroll through St Kilda, down the Esplanade, reminiscing about the last time I’d been at the Espy. Pretty sure I wasn’t even legal, after a footy match with my Dad and Blackie. No wait, I had been back but just didn’t remember much of it, oops. Last time I frequented St Kilda the hotel was shut for Reno’s, I’d heard about it all done up and hoped it hadn’t lost its old dive bar charm and turned into a hipster too cool for skool joint… I was half right. Still had some dive bar charm, but in a modern style that was looking all too familiar. Eh, still super cool and one of my favourite buildings in AUS. So the band that would be my entertainment for the night, Mansionair. How to describe their music?? Gets into your soul, epic vocals, floaty instrumentals, close your eyes and feel it. Not being able to find anything about set times, the ticket said 8pm. Not expecting any opening acts for a $30 ticket, I got to the Espy about quarter to 8 and headed to the Gershwin Room for the band. You know you’re a little early when the room looks like this…

Sooo, set list found. Support act at 9, main men at 10.15… hmmm, what to do at a pub to kill 2 hours… why hello gin!!!

Unfortunately the support act wasn’t my cup of tea but when Mansionair came on, uhh, the music made me happy. Live music, by the beach, with gin, happy place. Only one thing missing but that can’t be helped.

Have to say, while the music was magnificent, the crowd not so much. Didn’t make it through a single song without being pushed out the way by someone getting through, usually overly zealous young ones, drunk and trying to push to the front. You just don’t get this in Adelaide, once the music starts, people just stay put. It’s like an unwritten rule. No such rules in Melbourne, at least not to a sold out crowd at the Espy. Made what at moments was an epic experience, a really frustrating one. But anyway. The walk home was back into the Chair soundtrack, waking down the esplanade singing to Diorama, tomorrow will be a Frogstomp. Why hello Luna Park…

June 16, 2019 0

Doin’ Melbs Han Solo

Thursday 13th June, 2019

So in the long winded process of getting my British Citizenship, which is a process of jumping through hoops if you’re born before 1983, latest hoop, going to Melbourne for the citizenship ceremony. Ok, shouldn’t complain, a weekend by myself just chilling in Melbourne, could be worse!!

In my never ending efforts to be a cheap skate, I booked tight arse Jetstar flight, knowing full well it’d probably be delayed, cancelled or just plain uncomfortable. And of course, they are stringent AF on their 7kg carry on so as a single female traveling to Melbourne for 3 nights… had to outsmart the 7kg limit.

Wanna hear my sneaky tips??? If not, then bugger off…

1. Most people save the best for last but this one is most important… wear pants and a jacket with pockets. Before the “weigh in”, pack those damn pockets! Mobile phone, earphones, makeup, gin, anything that fits in your pockets, shove it in there. Can save you at least 2kg!! Just make sure you’re not wearing those dumb arse women’s jeans with fake pockets…

2. This one’s the hardest, pick one pair of shoes and wear them. How you ask? Pick the comfy ones you can walk all day and party all night… these are mine… got my through 3 days at Splendour in the Grass, they can do Melbs…

3. Leave your purse at home. Get one of those nifty phone cases, shove your cards in there, do you really need the 100 cards and bullshit vouchers in your purse?? Probs not.

4. Pick a colour. Anyone that knows me, knows it’s go black or go home. Two pants, couple of tops all the same colour and can’t go wrong.

5. Reconsider pjs. Just wear your first days outfit to bed each night.

6. Pick one moisturizer. Another hard one. I indulge in moisturizer. One for day, one for night, one for the body, one for those special wrinkles. Grab your day one, does everything!! For reals.

7. If you’re going to Melbourne, make space for the umbrella. You know you’re gonna need it!! Kinda opposite to space saving but anyway…

So using my super duper tips, I clocked in at 5.6kg… space for shopping. Have a feeling that number of shoes may multiply, they are my Achilles heel, quite literally…

So in an absolute miracle, not only is my Jetstar flight on time, I bagged an aisle seat without dishing out $$ and arrived in Melbs as scheduled. Is someone messing with me??? This NEVER happens.

The thing I love about flying, time for nothing. Once you’re belted in, there is nothing else you HAVE to do. Sure there’s work that could happen, but usually no internet is a good excuse. No washing, cleaning, tearing down fences – nothing that you HAVE to do. God I love it. Used my god given time to get stuck into the book I’ve been hanging to read, The Book of Daniel, my teenage crush, the voice that shaped my teenage angst. Nope, not my first eyeliner wearing goth of a first BF, the one and only Daniel Johns from Silverchair. Reading through the beginnings of Tomorrow I’m taken back to those years of annoying my mum with the bass of Israel’s Son through to the years to my out of tone renditions of Miss You Love. Ok, right now, go listen to Israel’s Son from Frogstomp, Cemetery from Freak Show, Ana’s Song from Neon Ballroom, Across the Night from Diorama and Straight Lines from Young Modern and tell me they aren’t the most epic, amazing Aussie rock band of our lifetime. Note, Mum, don’t do that. I already know what you think!! Reminiscing is interrupted by the jolted landing of the magnificent Jetstar pilot, good to see some things never change…

The plane door opens and I giggle to myself, umbrella in hand and ready for action. Jetstar in their classy as always drop you smack back in the middle of a runway (kinda) and you always have to leg it to the terminal. Melbourne’s welcome of torrential rain made all those Jetstar cheapies kick themselves, except the Holster with her handy umbrella, hey maybe I’m learning something with all this travel. And maybe I’m a knob for referring to myself in the third person…

So in all my backpatting for remembering an umbrella I completely missed the fact that the Skybus was done for the day heading to St Kilda, my Airbnb destination. Ugh. Holster you knob x 2. So jumping on the Skybus to the city, I was feeling all London inspired with the double decker that appeared out of the haze of rain… when did double deckers happen in Melbourne?!? Anyways, having learnt from London, best seat, top floor and front row. View of the sites, when it’s not raining and look down over those weeney cars, when it’s not raining.

So if you haven’t figured it out by now, I have a terrible sense of direction. Ask Kylie, got her lost in Venice for 3 hours. That was fun. Also meant I got off the St Kilda tram 4 stops early and legged it for half hour through the rain to my Airbnb, or Air bob if you ask an iPhone. Kinda regretting that one pair of shoes cos these babies are well and truly wet. Don’t listen to my tips, I’m full of shit.

Through the rain and my soggy stomping, I did spy on Grey St the most magnificent apartment building, can I live here please??

So after a quick Coles stop to grab some salami for dinner, yeah I do that, finally made it to my Air bob. May have tried to open the neighbours door for about half hour but they didn’t seem to mind… A cosy little unit in St Kilda, perfect if not for the party going on upstairs, pretty sure there’s 10 elephants jumping up and down to some kind of satanic beat… at least there’s all the Netflix in the world to drown them out… bedtime and no alarm set, let’s see how this plays out…

June 14, 2019 0

Holly vs the world

Category

Epic fails

Warriors and wizards

Keep calm, I’m a citizen…

Doin’ Melbs Han Solo