Holly vs the world

Monday 30th September – Tuesday 1st October 2019

With a 7.30am BOTB scheduled, you’d think I would have slept in as much as I could, that’s what I do, but for some reason the idea of being near a beautiful beach and not having dipped my feet in the water was all the wake up call I needed. Packed in a jiffy and I wandered down to the beach in near darkness thinking an early morning stroll before brekkie would be just what my meatball body needed. Unfortunately about 150m from the hotel there seemed to be some shady characters lurking in the shadows. In all honesty, there probs was no lurking or shady but my mum’s voice in my head about being safe sent me packing back to the hotel. For the two seconds I was there, it was so pretty!

After a carb overload at brekkie, Kyles was keen for a beach walk thank goodness, between us we’d be able to kick the arse of any lurkers. Of course lurkers were just in my imagination, the beach was beautiful, even before sunrise and made me start to wonder that if the deserts of Morocco were as stunning as the beaches, then maybe this country had it all?? Certainly has all the meatballs…

BOTB for an upcoming 6 hours of bus time in the day, we were lucky enough to at least see the sunrise while we questioned why we weren’t smart enough to download all the Netflix shows the night before. Abdul of course provided us with some entertainment with aussie dude Liam renamed Ali Baba on account of his epic beard, and the James Spader look alike Josh renames Mohammed, none of us were really sure why on that one. Abdul also introduced some Berber/Arabic words, like Shukran, meaning thank you. For some reason it sounded like the word chocolate to me, guess you had to be there. After such a lush beach backdrop it was onto the Morocco I expected, desert for miles, but pretty desert with trees and hills, or maybe it was just countryside?? It definitely felt like a step back in time either way, people making their way around with horse and cart, possibly they were donkies, they wizzed by so fast I’m not completely sure.

With the first half of our 6 hour leg down, it was time for lunch and what better setting than the beautiful Casablanca beach. Now, leading up to the trip, I’d heard of the movie Casablanca but had heard from a few peeps that the place itself was something of a shit hole, not really worth the pit stop. But I think I’d have to disagree. Yes it was obvs set up for tourists but the beach itself was pretty gorgeous, maybe I just love all beaches and could never diss one but I’ll just let the pictures speak for themselves.

After stuffing our faces with salad, cos the salads in Morocco are ginormous and yes you do stuff your face, we went for a quick wander up the foreshore with the 10 spare minutes we had then legged in back to the bus to head for the mosque which we’d heard was kinda big. Big is an understatement of the century. And to say it’s beautiful is another understatement. Don’t know how to describe it but to say it’s one of the most beautiful buildings I’ve seen in my life. Completely different to the cathedrals of the European countries, elegant design on the outside than absolute opulence on the inside. There’s something about the shape of the arches and doorways that I love, and the contrasting colours of the blues and greens set against the sandstone, just stunning and not the Morocco I expected!

Having found the previous day a dress that covers all the things while not sweating me to death, the only requirement to enter the mosque was shoes off. After sweltering outside, the cool marble floor on our feet was more than welcome. As were the bags provided to carry our stinkin shoes, someone had their thinking caps on for that one. The Mosque is actually called the Hassan II Mosque, the King who commissioned it to be the biggest and most grand building in Morocco. Cos that’s what makes a good King, have a massive building named after you, not like, taking care of your people and creating prosperity and equality for all. Anyhoo, Mr Hassan got his wish and it ended up being the largest Mosque in Africa and the third largest in the world. When it cost a whopping $600 – $800 million USD to build, you’d certainly hope so. The King didn’t have all that cashola himself so Saudi Arabia, Kuwait and Dubai spotted him, he obvs didn’t listen to his mother, if you can’t afford it, you don’t need it. Besides the money thing and do you really “need” a big arse Mosque, the fact that all the building materials were sourced in Morocco is pretty impressive. Well, except the Venetian glass and white marble which came from Italy but guess they don’t have those things in Morocco. And second most impressively (that’s a word right?) is that the white marble columns are natural humidifiers, somehow the marble absorbs the humidity in the air. For reals. And third most impressively, this place fits 25,000 people inside and 85,000 outside in the square. Sure women have to use the upstairs platforms to worship but it’s a matter of custom, at lest they are allowed in. Ok, so now for the most impressive of the impressively’s (defs not a word), the roof opens!!!! I kid you not, the place has a retractable roof, just like a football or tennis stadium. So worshippers can be closer to god, no wait, so they can have all the elements present when worshipping I think? There were these water well things in there too so I think it has something to do with that. So apparently with all these impressively’s it took 6 years to build, with people work ing 24/7 in 3 shifts. That’s some epic project management! The inside though, just wow upon wow and all the impressively’s in the world!! Unfortunately in discussing the impressively’s I think I swore, probs going to hell..

So in learning some more about the Muslim religion from our Mosque tour hostess, she talked about the importance of being clean before you pray. Given they pray five times a day, that’s a lotta cleaning. I think she saw our confused faces so she explained that it’s ok to just wash your hands before praying, however if praying at this super impressive mosque, the whole bottom floor is dedicated to these water features where people can clean themselves. I know water features is NOT the right name but seriously can’t remember and no idea what to google to find out. They look a little something like this…

Back outside the Mosque we wandered through a museum but as far as museums go, eh. After a super impressive Mosque, not much could impress. That Mosque was so damn impressive it deserves a million more pics…

BOTB and Abdul got his google on again with some more tantalizing info about Moroccan customs. And I’m not being sarcastic, really love this stuff!! So the current King, Mohammed IV is newly single, hot gossip in Morocco! The goss is that he’s divorcing his wife, who has been missing from public duties of late. Hmm, single King, single Holly… yeah, not Muslim otherwise i’m sure I’d be in with a chance!?! And more impressively than the Mosque, Morocco is a democracy, well, as close as possible. The people elect the parliament and the King chooses the Prime Minister from the winning party. And most super impressively, and maybe I naively didn’t expect, theres decent equality for women in Morocco. Women are entitled to do all jobs with the exception of the call to prayer, religious thing so understandable, and females can’t be King or Prime Minister. For the King bit, if they have only daughters, then he chooses another male in the dynasty to take the reins. The King thing I get, the UK line of succession has only recently been updated to be more 21st century but the PM thing, not so sure about. Maybe in time things might change, maybe. There are plenty of other countries with lots of work to do to get to their standards, and for an African nation, I think that’s impressive. Luckily it wasn’t far to the hotel, otherwise my head would have gone into overload! Once there it was the usual checkin and poor Aleesha was defs stuck with me. A couple of coldies later we were BOTB yet again and headed for the market area of Casablanca and around the city. This was when I began to understand the blah about Casablanca, it was pretty dodgy if I’m honest!! Luckily though it’s got all the great western offerings like KFC, which made for a loo dash, all that water goes straight through ya… sorry, too much info!

Abdul once again did good and took us to a local for a dinner of, you guessed it, tagine! Yes there was pasta and other western things on the menu but when in Morocco! I sure as hell won’t be able to figure out how to cook a tagine once I get home, although really wish I could, they are kinda one pot wonders and that’s my specialty. After once again feeling like a stuffed meatball we were BOTB to the hotel where straight to bed is never an option so we gave the bar some business and ate Toblerone, those three humongous ones I somehow managed to snag in duty free on our gin fueled run for the plane. If left with me I’d be a chocolate covered meatball before too long so happy to share. It was over toblerone and gin that Josh learnt about his doppelgänger, although when I said James Spader he had no idea who he was, these young ones… of course we got our google on and a young Spader next to Josh was uncanny. If only I took a pic… here’s Josh tho, what do ya think??

Once again the 7am BOTB meant no time to play, just sleep before another long arse bus ride. BTW, a 7am BOTB is when the bus departs, before that showers and brekkie is required so I’m not quite the granny you think!!

Up and BOTB at 7am, it was onto Rabat, the capital of Morocco. To me, the name just sounds like Rabbit said real fast but I think it’s just my lack of concentration so early in the morning, my brain doesn’t function until at least 10am. Only an hourish later and we were pulling into what I’m calling the Rabat warren, the place was crazy! Four lane roundabouts and police having to direct traffic everywhere cos people were nuts. At least the officers looked damn good doing it, check this chick out:

Our first stop in the warren was the unfinished mosque and museum of King Mohammed V. You rock up to the place and it’s pretty impressive with the royal guard on horses, not sure exactly what they are protecting but certainly wouldn’t wanna mess with these dudes!

Abdul ushered us past the guard and into the mosque grounds, he didn’t need to explain what was meant by unfinished…

The plan was for the mosque to have 253 columns to represent the days of the Muslim lunar calendar, but they only made it to 80 something I think. Didn’t quite listen to everything Abdul said, too busy looking and I can’t do both so had to ask Wikipedia for some help… apparently some dude called Yusuf Yaqub al-Mansur, member of the Almohad Caliphate, a Berber Muslim empire commissioned a tower that was intended to be the largest minaret in the world along with the mosque, also intended to be the world’s largest. Again, why do men measure their worth by building the biggest something?? Anyhoo, when the dude died in 1199, construction stopped. But now I get why the guards are here, I tuned into Abdul again once he started talking about the Mausoleum of King Mohammed V, a King is buried here, makes sense. Never been so close to a King before, dead or alive. This King was so important because he kicked arse and worked hard for the independence of Morocco, he was their Nelson Mandela. This dude I would have liked. Heading to the Mausoleum, the site is stunning, even unfinished. Can hardly imagine how magnificent it would have been. The Mausoleum once again had the stern looking guards, and inside a man chanting the Quran so no talking, pictures ok but no flash. Have to say, there is something about the Arabic/Berber language I think sounds so beautiful. Especially when sung. Might have to get some Arabic music on my playlist. The Mausoleum was beautiful inside, as expected, and strangely, had a feeling of power and grace. Probs makes no sense to others but you certainly felt moved and privileged to be there.

Once exited and a million more pictures of the site later, it was a quick pit stop in the loo before it was BOTB. That was when I realised my sin. The pretty long sleeve red dress I was wearing, perfect for Florence, not so much Morocco, was lined in the bottom half, but quite see through in the top half. Faaaaark. Hadn’t even looked in the mirror properly until then, pretty sure I got ready with my eyes shut. Needless to say the colour of my face was the same as my dress. Felt like I had completely disrespected the sanctity of the Mausoleum and get why the guards looked so angry. Wish someone had told me but anyhoo. Abdul was nice enough to let me get my bag from underneath the bus to find a top for underneath the dress. Have to say I was quite sheepish for the next few hours. But mistakes happen so I put my embarrassment aside and onto the Médina of Rabat where we had another lovely tour guide join us, this time I got his name, Yusuf, just like the dude with the unfinished mosque. Yusuf was a character too, love the Moroccan sense of humour. He toured us through a place I’m gonna call a fort, looked like one but is actually a Kasbah, I know what you’re thinking.. “Rock the Kasbah, rock the Kasbah…”, that was stuck in all our heads and may have made it out loud more than once.

This Kasbah of the Udayas as Google tells me is like a keep, every Moroccan city has one. Keep, fort, same same, both have a defensive wall. And just for the record, the song Rock the Casbah by The Clash is about the ban of Western Rock music by an Arab King, kinda feel like it was written for our trip though. Must stop relying on Google for my blogs… Anyhoo, as I love a fort, I love me a Kasbah. Old bricked paths that twist and turn, so much so that we kinda got lost. About 8 of us too busy singing I think and lost sight of Abdul. Ooopsy. But being lost is fun, you walk real fast so see more. And also stop for silly pictures!!

Turns out that in a Kasbah all roads lead to the same place and we managed to find Abdul. Or he managed to find us, same same. Yusuf relieved our stress heads with a story of why cats are his best friends and have his phone number. Long story and the adrenalin was still pumping so don’t remember it all, just the punchline. Cats found a massive treasure in a house once, so now everyone loves cats. Explains why there’s a zillion of them everywhere you look. Wandering around and taking in the pretty, we emerged into a Kasbah oasis. A beautiful lush green garden surrounded by the pink walls of the Kasbah, awww, Rabat you’re so pretty!! I take back the quip about you being a warren.

Never been so relieved to be BOTB and thankful for Amy’s Dad joke as we passed by a gorgeous cemetery… How many dead people are in the cemetery? All of them!!! Haha, my kind of humour. Miss my Dad!! Heading further into Rabat, we’re told it’s the city of green. All the roofs have green tiles which is pretty but have to admit, I like the look of Marrakech better. Abdul also explains the colours of the Moroccan flag, green is the colour of the Arab, red the colour of the Berber and white means peace. Ahh, also get the colours of the cities now too. And the star on the flag has 5 points to represent the 5 pillars of Islam. May have mentioned that before but so many things in my head I’m not sure. Next stop is the Palace of the King, an alive one this time. Apparently the dude even lives here so we’re not allowed in to get our tourist on, just allowed a token snap by the gates. But have to say, as the bus drove into said gate, wowsers. The gardens and site is immaculate. Understandable given 500 people work there as Abdul the Google tells us, and is set over 5 acres, apparently there’s a Necropolis of Roman ruins in there too but we’re not royal enough to see it.

“Yallah”, let’s go!! That’s now how Abdul herds us back on the bus, don’t mind being herded though when it comes with a smile and a pat on the back as we get on the bus like his little herd of stray cats. And now, we’re bound for Chefchaouen, the blue city and source of a zillion Instagram snaps. Even has its very own Instagram alley. Literally a spot designated for the best pics for Instagram. For a city so famous, it’s name is kinda hard to say. To me it’s like Chef-shh-ow-en, but that’s in my Aussie bogan, when Abdul says the name is sounds so much more pretty! With a four hour trip ahead of us, it’s lucky Morocco is so damn pretty, and that everyone was smart enough to download from Netflix for this leg of the trip. Of course, Abdul being an awesome guide and passionate about his country downloaded his Google pages about Morocco and the blue city, which I’ll just call it cos it’s real name is too hard to spell right every time. As we’re now well and truly in outback Morocco, we’re told that there’s 25 different types of scorpions in Morocco, nice to know considering we’re due to spend two nights in the desert shortly. But relief, there’s no Cobra’s in the desert, just in the mountains. FFS, we’re literally snaking our way through the mountains on the way to be blue city (like my pun? Snaking? I know, you’re not funny if you have to explain your jokes!) More animal facts, Morocco used to have Lions, until 1964 when us humans slaughtered so many there’s none left in the wild. Damn humans. There are plenty of Camels left in the wild though, although they are camels with only one hump so called a dromedary, the ones with two humps are in Saudi. Onto my favourite subject, food!! As we already know, they love their tagines and pastilla in Morocco, and they also love their couscous and cows feet. Yeah one of them I won’t be trying. They are also keen on tea with mint although Abdul warned against drinking the “water of life” from figs, apparently one glass will knock you out for days and you won’t remember a thing. Probs not something to tell a bus full of aussies but anyway. This was when Abdul left us all speechless by telling us that as per his Muslim beliefs, he has never tried beer, wine, cigarettes or hash. Dude is clean as a whistle. I wonder if he knows about gin?? Onto more facts, cos this nerd certainly hasn’t had enough! The national sport of course is football, well, soccer if we’re talking Aussie. Second most popular, marathon running. Did not expect that! Done with the talking, we were left to enjoy the countryside and/or do our own marathons, the Netflix variety. Taking some time to look out the window rather than binge, Morocco is certainly beautiful, a countryside of donkeys, goats and olive trees but in all honesty, some parts look quite poor and run down. There is quite a lot of rubbish on the streets in some towns we pass through. But people have a simple life out here, they live off and work the land. They don’t have to worry about careers and those things we rate as first world problems. The shrink wannabe in me wonders if they are happier, I’m sure there’s a study that says so.

Nearing the blue city, Abdul gets his google on again for our intro to Chefchauoen. Just gonna spell it wrong! So the place is known for being blue, got that, but also well known for its goats cheese, olive oil and hash. Hash as in pot, but stronger and kinda illegal but ok to buy if you wanna smoke it. Not sure how that works but ok. Apparently as a dude, you’ll get offered it by every second person but the chicks not so much, it’s a respect thing. Nice to know. To say the blue city sticks out like a sore thumb is an understatement. The countryside is all red soil with green, green, green then there’s the big spot of blue on the hillside, looks a little something like this:

Pretty damn gorgeous if you ask me, I expected blue but not so blue, makes no sense at all I know but the size and blueness is more than I expected. I’ll let that one go. Jumping off the bus in Chefs (which I’ll now call it) and we’re immediately greeted by pretty rainbow stairs, guess they know how to do tourist.

It’s a short walk up the road and through the square until we’re surrounded by blue. And yes, a chorus of “I’m blue da ba dee da ba daa” started in my head and wasn’t going anywhere!! Really am showing my age! Abdul took us on a brief tour through the city, stopping at Instagram Alley for a group shot before letting us loose! Then it was blue upon blue upon blue…

There was the option of a hike up to the hill/mountain to the Spanish Church, a feat some of us preferred to save for the next day. Instead we wandered the blue city, finding the dude who for 5 bucks would let you use his blue as blue can be room for snaps. Needless to say us Insta hungry crazies took part, some good shots but I’m not much of a poser so felt like a knob!!

With sunset beckoning, we tried to grab a quick dinner then head up the hill a little ways to watch. Unfortunately our “quick” shawarmas took 40 minutes and we literally ran to a spot with a view for what was a magical sunset over the blue city. As you guessed it, there were a zillion upon zillion pictures, this place is just so pretty you almost can’t help yourself!!

Well and truly touristed out for the day, we did what aussies do best, found beer!! Of course being a massive tourist attraction, they had a pub and we swarmed like bees to honey. And once again, free food! A zillion plates of hot chips as freebies, Moroccans certainly give Italians a run for their money on feeding people!

Fed and watered we were BOTB and pretty happy so when Abdul started playing some background music it turned into a full blown karaoke session with the likes of Toto Africa (of course), Shakira, Hakuna Matata, ABBA and some Brittany and Bieber thrown in for good measure. But of course the track that got everyone Mo-rockin was Bohemian Rhapsody!

Back at the hotel we were either tired or sheepish about our singing antics, either way it was bed time and more beauty sleep ready for more Insta snaps in Chefs the next day.