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Aussie, Aussie, Aussie!!!

Thursday 15th August – Saturday 17th August 2019

Well, well, well… wake up on your first day of a new chapter of your life, in a new country with all the hope and opportunities laying ahead… you’d expect one to leap out of bed with anticipation and excitement… not lay in bed til midday watching The Bachelor and eating leftover pizza… one isn’t me! The only thing that got me out of bed in my jet lagged state was the imminent arrival of the Geordie, otherwise known as Pattie, otherwise known as Davie, otherwise known as Nora…

I’m trying to remember what we did that Thursday but all I remember is somehow making our way to Garrick Theatre in the West End to see Bitter Wheat, a play about I don’t know what cos I fell asleep starring John Malkovich, one of the most epic, amazing, brilliant actors of our time, if you don’t know who he is then we shouldn’t be friends. But then I did fall asleep on the legend so I’ll forgive you! There was also a seafood feast before but pretty sure I just ate bread, don’t ask me, I don’t remember… the only thing I recall is the sore neck at the end of the night from falling asleep in my lap… the show was Malkovich impersonating the Harvey Weinstein story, apparently it was real good…

So Friday, a distant hazy memory of not so quite awakedness… there was bacon, at a really cool place in Clapham. Hmmm, what else?? Bacon always tends to take the starring role. Oh that’s right, there was an epic Bloody Mary with vegemite and bacon in it!! The Geordie was there too dealing with my jet lagged sparkling personality.

With an epic Ashes day looming, it was time to get our Aussie on. Of course I could have brought my Aussie bandana, Aussie flag or Aussie bikini from home but no, they are packed in a box somewhere! Between following the Geordie around while he searched for cricket outfit (?!?!?), I managed to find three cheap as chips Aussie rugdby tops, we can wear them to the cricket right? Same same??? The Geordie obvs loved the tops…

With a house full of guests on a Friday night, Kyles was obvs excited to head out and enjoy a night on the town. You can imagine her dismay to find a Geordie and an Aussie fat arming it on the couch when she walked through the door. Not even Korean fried chicken from UberEats could turn that frown upside down. Don’t blame her though, we were pretty damn lame! First Friday night in London and my eyelids were needing toothpicks to stay open.

Onto the main event. The Ashes. Six months in the making, a random ticket draw later and Kyles and I… failed to get tickets… luckily for us and not so lucky for Adam Tanshevcholovamolotov who couldn’t make it so we got one spare, then bless Pete, he couldn’t make it either so Kyles and I were in!! One of us was excited beyond belief to be going to the most iconic cricket stadium in the world to see a legendary battle fought throughout the ages, the other just hoped there was gin. Tough decision which one I was!!!

Thinking back on it cos there’s no way I could have written this on the day, it kinda feels like magic. I grew up idolising my grandad. He was a strong, fit, caring and amazing man. And he loved his cricket. In the days of Ponting and Bevan we would watch the one day internationals on the edge of our seats when Bevan would smash a four off the final ball to win the match. And while I wasn’t a big fan of test matches, i was a 14 year old girl with the attention span of a toddler, his absolute admiration of the Ashes elevated them to legendary status. He would explain to me the strategy, the rules of the gentleman’s game. Thinking of those days makes me smile. My grandad is no longer with us but walking up to Lord’s in my Aussie colours I knew he’d be proud. Believe what you will, I could feel him with me.

After a bakery stop to meet up with our fellow Aussie Melsey and stuff our faces with sausage rolls, the Geordie was well and truly outnumbered as we made our way to the icon. The crew were already sick of my overexcited selfies but kindly obliged for the 100th time as we rounded the corner of the stadium…

So the one thing the Brit’s have over the Aussie’s when it comes to cricket, besides Root who would soon become my favourite player, I am a British Citizen after all… the thing they have over us is that they let you take drinks into the cricket, and not just water. Everyone is allowed a bottle of wine, a couple of premixers or lagers. These Brit’s now how to do cricket.

And finally I was into the home of cricket. Ain’t fake smiling in this one…

Or this one…

Before taking our seats for kick off, I mean the first ball, we just happened to find a gin bar and all kinds of gin goodness, fever tree and Connor… this is Connor, he was to be our bar tender for the day… we had no complaints, dude poured a good gin…

And finally, up the mighty staircase to a view to behold, Lord’s… it was ok… understatement of the century…

Unfortunately, Kyles and Melsey managed to bag seats together, the Geordie and I were each on our lonesome, not that I minded. Quiet time to take in the sights was kinda cool.

After a few overs it was gin o’clock. After being able to relocate next to Nora the rest of the afternoon consisted of sunshine, gin and checking the real “football” scores. Unfortunately it wasn’t a good day for Port and only a half decent day for the Aussies.

One of my highlights of the day was being able to hit a cricket ball on the ground at Lord’s. And by ground I mean grass, on the outer, not on the actual grounds with 100,000 people watching… still cool nonetheless, reckon I got a few sixers…

Another highlight, food court cricket. What is that you say?? Give a bunch of larikins a green bin, a bat, a ball and you got food court cricket. And then out came the sandpaper!!! The thing I love about aussies is our ability to ourselves shit. It was all fun and games until a Sheila hit Kylie smack bang in the chest… but she took it like the tough Aussie she is, the gin’s Connor had been dealing out may have helped with that…

Although the rain may have ended the day prematurely, only by about half hour though, it was a day to go down in the history books. Well mine anyway. Chatting to people in the crowd, seeing the Aussies hit fours (no sixes) and seeing Steve Smith nearly get a century, out on 92. Tough luck, but then he is a cheater so not feeling so bad about that one.

After such an epic day and to avoid a crowded as hell tube, we tried our best to hit up the local St John’s Wood (yes, that’s the name of a suburb 😂😂) but we were done, once again to Kylie’s dismay. Saturday night and the Geordie and Aussie just wanted fried chicken and couch time. I was still jet lagged, not sure what his excuse was…

So homeward bound, KFC pick up on the walk home and what should have been fried goodness on the couch was disappointment on the couch, KFC is not the same here, so much oilier and where the hell is the chicken, think I just ate battered bones… anyhooo… they don’t call it dirty chicken for nothing…

Until next time, bucket list item ticked and one hell of a start to my life in London. I think it was when I was climbing the stairs at midnight that Kyles called out Happy Birthday wishes… that’s right, I’m now one year older, ugh….

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Hello old chap

Wednesday 14th August 2019

Well, 29 hours of flights and connections plus over an hour in a cab to Brixton and I’m finally here, London baby!!!

As far as flights and travel go, have to admit, I had it pretty damn easy! After a teary farewell at the airport and a blubbering download of emotions on the Sydney flight, I encountered my first travel fail. Open my earphones case to find it empty. Hmmm, probs in of the hundred boxes I packed. Guess I’ll just have to indulge in some duty free shopping, if I must. The flight into Sydney felt like a fitting farewell to Australia, clear blue skies with views of the Harbour bridge and opera house, with Hugh Jackman’s rendition of I Still Call Australia Home playing in my head. Am worried I may have sung a few lines out loud… for someone that loves her home country so much, kind of an oxymoron that I was so excited to leave it!!!

In typical Holly fashion, I was prepared with my to do list at Sydney airport, which I’ll admit was mostly shopping. A stash of MAC makeup and gin later I decided to indulge myself in a new set of AirPods, my last splurge before I hit the ground in London jobless and homeless. Shopping done and I was headed for the Qantas lounge. I may have left packing, canceling health insurance and finding a job to the last minute, or not at all, but the thing I did organise was my freebie Qantas lounge access via my credit card, priorities right!!! A comfy chair, lemon tart and a vodka later, I spent the next few hours burning my ear off chatting to friends for the final goodbyes… well, not really goodbye, just see ya later alligator.

And now for my second travel fail, where the hell did I leave my brand spanking new AirPods?? Bananas. Searching every pocket of every bag and jacket and they were gone. Somehow between charging them and moving seats between toilet breaks, I’d flushed $230 down the toilet. With high hopes that an honest person had handed them into the lounge reception, my faith in humanity was restored. AirPods safely returned… or were they??? More to come on that one…

As much as it’s humanly impossible to sleep sitting upright on a plane, even after sleeping pills, I still love long haul flights. Binge watching movies and people bringing you food and drinks with absolutely no guilt associated with the utter laziness. Except for the hulk of a Fijian dude sitting next to me, it was smooth sailing through to Singapore with a pit stop to stretch the legs. After searching again for ciggies for Pattie with no luck, I found some empty seats to lay down, listen to music and chill. Hand in my jacket pocket to grab my AirPods and shit, I pull out two pairs of AirPods. Crap. I just stole someone’s AirPods. Is it stealing if you really didn’t mean to????

Back on the same plane, same seat, same hulk and I’m finally London bound. Sitting down I can smell it, the hulk must have ran a marathon cos he’s smelling not so delightfully like BO, even worse than before. Oh no, wait…. maybe that’s me??? Hmmm, let’s just say it’s the hulk… But smells aside, the hulk is awesome, hardly spoke a word of English but got me water while I slept and made sure I got ice cream while I was dozing… nice hulk!

More food, more movies and no sleep later and we’re within spitting distance of London. Excitement is at an all time high. Somewhere in the back of my mind I’m aware this isn’t just a holiday, I’m MOVING to London. Hmmm, future Holly’s problem…

A big bag of fruchocs later and it’s touch down in Heathrow, give or take circling in the sky for an hour. Feeling all up myself for having a British passport and expecting to breeze through customs, little did I know the Poms had introduced new rules since my last visit… aussies, kiwis, and all European passport holders could now “breeze” through the egates. Ugh, not so easy breezy, the line for people from timbuck two is short as hell and all us snobs are stuck in the long long line. Patience is not one of my virtues…

Having heard about the “heatwave” London had recently experienced and having packed for summer, you can imagine my surprise to walk out into rain, pouring down, gloomy AF rain. But in all honesty, I was ready to dance in the rain like a crazy person, so happy to be in the mother country and starting my new life. Or next chapter, still really love all those in my old life!!

Somehow I lucked out and bagged the best cab driver in all of London. Took me past Kylie Minogue’s house in Chelsea, little did he know she wasn’t my favourite Kylie in London… showed me the AFL goal sticks in Clapham Common, gave me tips on the “mad” places to party at night and most importantly, got my jet lagged arse to what would be my new home for as long as Kyles, Sean and Kam would put up with me cramping their style.

Hugging Kyles and seeing her gorgeous smile was exactly what my sanity needed, along with a shower cos geez bananas I smelt ripe, and not in a delicious cherry ripe kinda way!!!

Kyles being the bestiest bestie ever was working from home so I didn’t have to stand on her front porch and cry til 6pm. My challenge was to keep myself busy and eyes open til at least a normal bedtime and not fall asleep in my dinner at 4pm like Christmas Day. So how does one keep busy in a jet lagged state?? Sew buttons back on jackets, go shopping, open a bank account and bacon, all the bacon… and zucchini fries, and chicken and cheese… all while Kylie worked, she hardly got a look in for the food…

Come night time and in a zombie state, it seemed like a good idea to do facial masks, moisturizer foot socks and gin… just can’t recall if I have a face mask on in this pic or whether this is my face after about 50 hours of no sleep…

So life in London starts, equal parts excited and nervous for what is to come. But life is what you make it, either going to love it or hate it, the choice is mine.

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Going, going, gone…

Tuesday 13th August 2019

It’s a weird feeling packing up your life and moving to another country, on the one hand it’s exciting, a massive adventure of who knows what the hell will happen. On the other hand, it’s sad to say goodbye to the people you love and to close the door on what might have been with people you leave behind. For me especially, it’s a fresh start. I’m leaving behind in Adelaide a lot of love but also a lot of heartbreak. In Adelaide I’m a daughter, sister, aunty, friend, marketing manager and widow. In London, I’m nobody. And somehow that feels damn good. I get to rewrite my story. Or more so, finish the chapters that came before and start a new one, with hope that the story is just getting better and I’m one chapter closer to my happily ever after. Not necessarily with a knight in shining armour but with myself.

And that’s my why. If you have a minute, watch the TED video from Simon Sinek called start with why. Yes, it’s marketing blubber but what it comes down to is everyone and everything finding their authentic why, their reason for existing, their purpose. I’m on a mission to find me, I mean I know where I am, sitting on a plane, no need to send a search party, but I want to take some time to find my inner light again, I feel like it’s been on dim for so long. There’s been some moments this year, one especially where I felt my light shine again, I know how good it feels to be in a moment and feel love and happiness. I want more of those moments. And I know they need to come from me, not rely on someone else to make me feel it. And yeah, maybe I could have done that in Adelaide, but I know I needed to step out of my comfort zone and find me through meeting new people, exploring the world and taking pleasure in the wonders of life. Ok, that’s enough blah, blah, blah for now, I’m sure there’s plenty more where that came from!

Right now I’m sitting on a plane, Sydney bound then onto London Town, with a quick pit stop in Singapore. Really didn’t read those flight details carefully! So let’s start at the beginning, why would I choose to be jobless and homeless, pack up my life and leave all those that I love?? …Ooo, this is harder than I thought to write… maybe the better question is, why not?? There’s the saying “Life is short”, but think about it, life is the longest thing you’ll ever do. I’ve never been content to sit in one place and do the same thing over and over again. That is after all the definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result! Life threw me a curve ball a few years back when Brett died, but in all honesty, my head and heart already weren’t in a good place when that happened. It’s taken me a lot of time to deal with his sudden death, trying not to blame myself, accepting that sometimes you never get a final goodbye, a chance to tell someone you love them. That is life, and it’s not fair… a hard lesson to learn, but to every negative, there’s a positive, it’s the natural order of things. Yes life isn’t fair, but life can also be bloody mind blowing amazing. The feeling of falling in love, the feeling of hugging someone you love and feeling like your heart will burst with how much you feel for them (Marcus and Annabelle, I’m looking at you!), and then the feeling of love hugging your parents goodbye at the airport, seeing their eyes well up with tears, the feeling of being that loved is like nothing else in the world. So yeah, life isn’t fair but when you’re surrounded by that much love, does it matter?? OMG, it turned into another blah blah blah moment… the tears are running down my face and the dude next to me is giving me awkward sideways glances… on a roll so may as well keep rolling… if only I could remember where i was going with all that blah blah blah… hmmm, oh yeah, why am I doing this?? That’s right, life isn’t fair, but when you’re surrounded by love, take the turd, roll it in glitter and make life one big adventure. So that’s my why not. Life has been a turd, travel is my glitter. Plan on finding my inner light again and becoming a disco ball… hehe.. that went downhill quickly!!! Now I’m laughing at myself and I think the dude next to me is questioning my sanity…

So now I’m London bound. Between the tears and laughter there’s a big smile on my face. I’m excited, not nervous at all, I know that the next 18 months will be what I make it. There’s no such thing as fate, things happen because you choose them to. Everything that’s happened in my life is a result of choices I made, in hindsight some weren’t so great, would like a rewind button for a few but they have all led me here. Sitting in seat 24A, drinking my bad coffee, sun shining through my window, and writing like a know it all. But in reality I’m Jon Snow, I know nothing.

Oh yeah, the story on how I got here. It’s no secret I love to travel, it’s my glorious addiction. There is so much of the world to see and experience, I want to go everywhere and do everything. And I’m going to spend the next 60 years doing it cos I plan to live to well over 100 and by then will have a robotic body that allows me to galavant around the world like a 19 year old. Ugh, sidetracked again…Before heading off to spend last Christmas in Europe with my bestie, I decided to sell my apartment in Prospect, take the $$$ and spend from March this year to Jan 2020 traveling. Few curve balls along the way… apartment didn’t sell, fell in love and got my heart broken but I sill ended up on the same path, albeit the “travel” turned into “live” and the 9 months into 18 but all in all, same path. Luckily for me I’m the daughter of a pom so was able to get my British passport. Few hoops to jump through, having to travel to Melbourne to get my British citizenship because I’m an old fart born before 1983, but if you read my blog from my Melbourne trip, you know I had a blast! So now I’m a certified scone eating, tea drinking Brit. Except when it comes to sport, I’m 100% Aussie.

Being a Brit, I’ve got free reign to live and work in the Europe, until Brexit ruins it for me. So the plan is to spend the next month traveling and working on me. Inside and out. I feel best when I’m fit, not a bit pudgey like I am now from way too many farewell drinks and dinners. Wouldn’t take a single one back though, except maybe the 2am Macca’s run. I plan on joining the F45 cult and becoming a fitness fiend. But balancing that with Pilates and the thing I’ve never been able to master, meditation. How the hell anyone can get their mind to stop running at a million miles an hour is beyond me but apparently it’s possible. Being able to turn off the endless chatter in my head at 2am would be a good skill to master. I’m also going to take the time to focus on what makes me tick, besides bacon and gin. And most importantly, work on rebuilding my confidence, to silence the voice in my head that tells me I’m not enough, a voice that got louder from spending too much time caring about what other people think. It’ll be hard, if it was easy everyone would walk around in a bubble of super self awesomeness. I don’t intend to be an egotistical twat, but just to accept who I am and when I meet people, be confident that I have something to offer, friendship, love, kindess. We’re all our own worst judges, I wanna start giving myself more than a 5 out of 10. Wow, this whole post has turned into a sermon, so not about the impending adventure!?! Instead an insight into my inner psyche, hope you’re not scared!!

Now onto the adventure bit!! I’m lucky to enough to have a bestie living in London, the fabulous Kyles so going to crash with her for as long as she can put up with me (ugh, inner voice telling me 5 minutes, shush), then wanna housesit people’s pets as a way of getting free accommodation, but also to figure out what parts of London float my boat so I know where I wanna live. And plan to do some temping work to meet people, and most importantly earn some $$ cos in this world only love is free, and even then… In just under 4 months I’m USA bound to meet the fam in LA then head to Canadia for a white Christmas with my Canadian family who are equally as awesome, then off to Mexico for a wedding. So much adventure already planned I’m doing a happy dance, well not literally, the dude next to me might throw me up out the window… so when I’m back Londonside in Jan 2020 I’ll be looking for a more permanent job and somewhere to live for the next 12 months to come. Sounds like a plan yes??? Oh, and then I’ll be back in RADelaide in Jan 2021 to spend 9 months doing my thesis for my Psychology honours, then I’ll defrost my eggs and have some babies. Easy peasy.

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K, bye! 2.0

So it’s taken me over a month to post this, meant saying goodbye to one of the best trips of my life and my bestie… but here it is, written some time ago…

You know the saying, all good things must come an end! And damn have I been on a good thing!!

Wanting to savour hanging with my bestie until the very last moment, I rose before the sunrise to cook brekkie for Kyles before she headed to work. In hindsight, my cooking is not the nicest farewell present, she smiled and ate it anyway. I’m not great at good byes, I tend to talk gibberish about inconsequential bullshit, avoid eye contact and then get it over with as quick as possible. Saying goodbye to Kylie and not knowing when we’d be in the same breathing space again was too hard. So I did all the awkward things to avoid crying like a sooky la la and hugged her like million bucks she is. Kyles is smart, she knew to rip it off like a band aid and headed to work before the water works started. Some people are worth tears and she’s one of them.

After a good blubber, my pile of crap upstairs awaited and it wasn’t going to pack itself. I’m not proud to say the only things I didn’t wear was my exercise gear and sneakers. That’s probs obvious from my bloated gin belly and jeans that seem to have shrunk since I arrived. Somehow, I seem to have accumulated nearly two suitcases worth of gear, surprising since I only hit up H&M once. The final weight, 29.9kg, a .1 to spare. Mind you, pretty sure my back pack was about 20kg, plus a 10kg handbag. You’d think at this point, after all the money I spent on gin and crap food, I would have thought it worthwhile to spring for a taxi to the airport. Yeah nah, thought I was Wonder Woman and could lugg it all onto the tube, what’s the worse that can happen??

Hauling a suitcase, backpack and handbag onto a bus to Brixton Station was a bit of effort. Squishing onto the first tube to Greenpark, kinda awkward. Getting off the tube at Greenpark to find I had to get all my crap down three flights of stairs on account of a broken lift? For f*!k sake. There was sweat, grunting and expletives abound. I’m sure it was entertaining for the passerbys. If I didn’t have an extremely delicious bottle of Sloe gin in my case it might have been left at the bottom of the second flight of stairs. Or it would have at least gotten a swift kick to the bottom with a good luck and hope for the best. But anyways. I made it. My suitcase made it. My temper not so much.

Luckily once I was finally on the tube to Heathrow, a young girl with a normal sized case who had witnessed my staircase adventures stopped me from getting off at the wrong stop. If I didn’t stink from my recent exertions I would have hugged her.

Finally off the tube and in the Heathrow vicinity, the frickin long walk from the tube to Terminal 3 meant all that time i had put aside for duty free shopping was quickly slipping away.

Once at check in, if it wasn’t for my morning exertions that had resulted in a hell of a bad mood, I probs wouldn’t have bothered fighting for the window seat I’d booked. Bad mood Holly is a stubborn b**ch. After a call or two the lovely Emirates lady reallocated me to a window seat so I could get some zzzz’s. Wonder whether the crazed look on my face and sweat dripping down my forehead also had something to do with it. Subjecting other passengers to that wouldn’t be fair…

With a window seat secured to Dubai but no seat allocation for the 12 hours stint to Adelaide, I thought the battles were over but when my seat allocation came through for an aisle to Adelaide I was on a bloody mission and gave up duty fee gin just so I could curl up against a window and get some shut eye on the way home. After an hour of running around the airport and finally finding someone who could have helped, I had to give in and subject my neck to a world of torture napping in an aisle seat.

With morning dramas done and dusted, I shoveled a healthyish salad from Cafe Nero cos hell knows when I’d get anything with any nutritional value in the next 30 hours. Only one quick buy at duty free and onto the first 7 hour leg.

After my awkwardness at the goodbyes this morning, I was thankful to have 5 minutes to message my bestie and say all the things I suck at saying in person.

Somehow the stars then aligned and I had the row to myself. Maybe all that staircase drama that resulted in my bad mood was worth it, it did result in a stubborn Holly that got a window seat and whole row… or the people that were meant to sit there saw and smelt me and requested a move…

Having decided this was the leg to get some sleep, pills were popped and I waited. Think I’m sleeping pill resistant. Bugger.

Landing in Dubai at 12.50am, next flight boarding at 1.40am it was tighter than I would have liked but it’s just a change of gate right?!? Nah uh. No idea what the hell is going on at Dubai airport but for some reason, we had to go through security once off the plane before we could get to the next gate. Then at the gate, another bag check where not even the over priced bottle of water i managed to buy in my run between gates was allowed on board. Still being stubborn as hell I skulled the whole bottle of water rather than throw it out, for the price I paid, I was convinced it was the tears of unicorns.

Settled into my aisle seat and ready to consume unlimited coffee to stay awake rather than risk the neck ache of the century from sleeping upright, a smiling Emirates angel came over to ask a favour. Would I mind switching with a minor so she could get all the younguns in one row. Oh, and I’d have to switch a window seat. I literally moved at the speed of lightning. It wasn’t until I was settled in and the couple next to me were all cuddly and cozy that the bottle of water I skulled hit. Sometimes my stubbornness doesn’t pay off.

Having curled up against the window and had a decent sleep, being on Australian soil again felt good. Also not having pneumonia and being taken to hospital like last time was a welcome relief. Managing to snag some gin in duty free and head through customs, awaiting me on the other side were the smiling faces of my Mum and Dad. Always the two that will go out of their way for their little girl. Damn I’m lucky. Getting home and finding my mum had stocked my fridge with bacon, eggs and avo elevated my appreciation of the best parents in the world. While there are a million adventures to be had overseas, no other place in the world will ever be home. Home is with the people I love the most. What a sooky la la…

Anyway… most normal people when they get home just shower and bed. I’m one of those psychopaths that HAS to unpack. Yeah, I’m a special kind of weird. Or maybe I just didn’t want one of the best trips of my life to ever end and to have to return to reality. Probs the later.

But I guess the adventure is never really over. There’s still a whole big world out there to explore, who knows when I’ll embark on the next or who with but one things for sure, the travel bug is lit and when $$ and time next permits, I’ll be off!

Tuesday 22nd January 2019.

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Bath Spa Pool

So I have a confession… I woke up about 7am, saw Kyles awake doing stuff on her phone and instead of being a good friend and getting up to start the day, I rolled over and went back to sleep. Sleep has a way of trumping EVERYTHING. Must stop saying trump, hate thinking of that orange faced misogynist…

So after deciding to love my friend more than sleep, we were up and at it, doing all the things someone my age needs to look even half decent in the morning then out of our Airbnb with half hour to spare. After our chocolate indulgence the night before, brekkie was far from our minds so we headed for the other thing Bath is famous for, that massive curved building thing, should google the actual name… A little stroll and there it is. Bloody brilliant. Can imagine it’d cost a mint to live there and dealing with pesky tourists like us would be a pain but still, when I win the lotto, have solved world hunger and bought Canava Hall in Brixton, I’ll be buying one of these. Pictures just don’t even show how magnificent these buildings are. And words can’t describe. Cue “tourist” and all the pics and selfies… loser.

After having annoyed the residents long enough and Kyles having followed me on a wild goose chase up a hill, we found the Botanic Gardens. Of course, cute, quaint and beautiful. Much like everything in Bath. Except the groupies.

After a coffee revival, we called/booked/apped an Uber. We don’t call anyone anymore, so what is it really?? Anyhoo, we headed for the nearest entry point for the Bath Skyline walk, what is meant to be an epic loop of castles and beautiful lookouts over the city of Bath. If we could give an Uber 7 stars, this dude would have gotten them! Talked about how 30 or so years ago all the buildings in Bath used to be black, covered in soot from the coal smoke coming out of the beautiful chimneys I love so much. Some bright spark mandated that all heating be changed to gas and all the buildings cleaned and restored back to their pristine white sandstone beauty. Smart person, not sure Bath would be the tourist attraction it is with black sooty buildings. Now it’s one of the most beautiful cities I’ve ever been to. Jumping out of our super duper Uber, his seven star rating dropped to a one. The walk up to the Skyline loop was a muddy staircase from hell. Did the dude not see the shoes we were wearing?? Inappropriate footwear at its finest.

After sliding and yelping our way to the top, with all our belongings strapped to our backs nonetheless, the views were something to behold. Just wish my lame arse iPhone could take a decent picture. The view over Bath and the hills, stunning. Will go back to that memory when I need a happy moment.

Looking at the Skyline path ahead, we conceded defeat knowing our girlie boots were in no way up for the task. Heading in the general direction of the town, it was one of the most beautiful strolls down a hill you could ask for… look, a beautiful house and stream… Look again, another cute house and laneway. And chimneys!! Bath is gorgeous. Sorry for paying out your name. And sorry to Kylie for the trillion “tourist” stops.

Making our way to a bridge with no name, or one I can’t remember, it was again just another moment of wow. You wonder if people that live here ever get sick of all this beauty??

Finally listening to our (mine) moaning tummies we headed for a lunch spot. On the walk, had my boots not been muddy as hell and I looked like an orphan annie, we would have casually popped into the house opens on the way. And I may have mortgaged everything I own to buy one. Too bad I don’t own anywhere near enough…

After nearly a month traveling and drinking and eating all the things, I decided today was the day I’d get back on keto and try eat healthy. Damn my unreasonable thinking. While digging into a healthy omelette, Kyles had the most delicious Hungarian beef stew with dumplings. Didn’t even wanna take a food pic I was so consumed by food envy!! So having booked a 4.30pm train back to London, we tried to plan our visit to the Thermae Pool & Spa perfectly so we could just shower after then jump on the train home. Well, the lineup wasn’t the problem, more so the digital vouchers we’d booked and paid for had to be printed by and picked up at the Bath Tourist Info centre, which was closed on Sundays, I can imagine a Sunday would be the quietest day for tourists?!? And doesn’t all that kinda defeat the purpose of a digital ticket?!?!? After a somewhat standoffish debate, it was pay again or go home! You don’t come all the way to Bath to not jump in a thermal bath. So in we went, changed into our robes and flip flops (know better than calling them thongs!), and finally into the thermal pools. Have to say, after so many weeks of travel and what felt like a trillion steps, the warm water and spa jets were heaven sent. Throw in an epic view over Bath and the place is relaxation personified. Too bad we had to share with a hundred other people… weren’t allowed to take pics so once again Google has come through with the goods, just add those hundred people to each pic… can’t imagine the squishiness of this place in peak season…

With our two hour relaxation window coming to an end, it was time to leave the beautiful Thermae pool and head back to reality. Somehow arriving at the train station early, usually it’s minutes to spare, we had time for a sneaky gin and to find a snacky dinner for our train ride. Waiting on the platform for the train, my lame arse sense of humour kicked in at the name of the train station… Bath Spa? Someone really lacked imagination when it came to naming things at this place!!

Once on the train, my lame arse salad was no competition for Kylie’s almond croissant and the leftover chocolate. Nearly caved but in my sleepy relaxation I couldn’t even be bothered eating chocolate. That has NEVER happened to me in my entire life… need a thermal pool at home… A train, two tubes and a bus later, we’re back in Brixton and another reality set in. It was my last night with my bestie and the last night galavanting around the UK. Uhhh, I don’t wanna, they can’t make me leave can they??

Sunday 20th January 2019.

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Give me my name back

Bath… I wonder what you were called before the Romans actually built the baths? Must have been lame if Bath was a better option…

Well after such illuminating thoughts, Kyles had to be a trooper and hunt down a pharmacy for me. I think my traveling tolerance is 3.5 weeks before I come down with a cold and feel shite… or it could have something to do with all the gin and diet of see food and you eat it… yeah nah…

Speaking of food, to go with the concoction of vitamins and who knows what else the pharmacist gave me, a healthy hearty brekkie was in order. I tried to order something with spinach and all those healthy things but the stars aligned and they were out… so it was back to the good ol’ bacon, eggs and smashed avo… although major food envy when Kylie’s corn fritters and halloumi amazingness arrived!

The things about besties is that they put up with all your quirks and nuances… like my new obsession with chimneys… and me yelling “tourist” every 5 steps, which means stop while I be a pain in the arse and take yet another picture! Thanks for putting up with me Kyles!!

So the thing about chimneys, I’m not even sure I can explain it, except to say it’s the thing missing from the Adelaide skyline, houses now in my mind look incomplete. I like how they are all lined up, yet each one is different and cute it its own way. Hmmm, what drugs did the pharmacist give me?!???

Doing what every person comes to Bath for, we hit up the Roman Baths acter brekkie. Being the off season, there was hardly a line up so we glided right on through… Not sure what I expected, knew we couldn’t swim in them but maybe I expected them to make me want to?? The architecture of course was stunning, Romans sure do know how to make a statement, maybe I expected more baths? But I guess the place is called Bath singular, not Baths… nevertheless, the history and majesty of it all was damn impressive. Oh and I also love moss, add that to my chimney lover weirdness…

Luckily for us dorks, we were the only ones that rocked up for the guided tour every hour on the hour so we had the lovely Beth* to ourselves. So obvs being a tour guide, Beth knew her stuff, and I wish I remembered some monumental historical facts she imparted on us. Instead I remember the weird and wonderful, like that you had to be hairless to use the baths so they would tweezer everyone…uh, I’m from an Italian family, I’ve seen an Italian man’s back, a million levels of pain to tweezer that rug. No wonder it was mainly women that went to the baths, even then, ouch… so in other useless facts I remember, when a sexist dude called Hadrian became emperor of Rome, he hated women’s bodies, and since every one went starkers at the baths, he mandated that men and women had to be segregated into different baths. Can’t imagine bathing with a room full of other naked people would be overly relaxing, but anyway… oh wait, she did say there was lots of wine and food, hmm, thinking this place should have been called orgy, I’ll put that in the suggestion box!

I can imagine back in the time, this place would have been something else to the local pommies! The Romans mastered underfloor heating, worshipped the god Minerva and believed these bubbling hot springs could cure diseases. Apparently they weren’t smart enough to figure out that if you put a heap of people with diseases in the same hot bath, maybe, just maybe those diseases might spread. Yeah, definitely don’t wanna swim in them anymore. Oh, and they are lined with lead. I’ll stick to my lame Aussie bath at home thanks, oh wait, I don’t have one… so the hilarious side of the baths, if there ever was one, are the curse cards. People would write curses and toss them into the baths, hoping the goddess would grant their wish for their worst enemies eye balls to pop out of their head, I kid you not. Those Romans were a vengeful lot.

Overall, a beautiful place that in its day, must have been bloody amazing! Oh, and that little bit of water they let you drink at the end, supposed to have super healing powers, taste like warm goblin piss. Ain’t that right madeye!

After a quick tourist stop to pick up some antiques…

…it was back to the room so Kyles could get online and prepped to buy tickets to Tomorrowland, a massive trance music festival in Brussels. I’m no where cool enough to attend. So the ticket process probs took a bit longer than planned but enough time for me to blog and catch up on what’s been happening across the pond. Tickets in hand and tears of joy, from Kylie cos she got tickets and me cos I was hungry and wanted dinner, we headed to a cool little joint around the corner called Stable, which caught our attention earlier in the day with this epic sign, love a good pun…

And oh my yum, a tasting thingo of cider, cheese fondue and a beef brisket pizza. At the time of ordering we hadn’t figured it was a pizza, just saw beef brisket and jumped in head first, as you do, but the pizza bit was a nice surprise, cos let’s be honest, carbs are delicious!!

Bellies full we wandered around the beautiful Bath and contemplated another pub crawl. Had there been a slither of space in our bellies, it might have happened but instead we made a quick pit stop then headed back to the room. No groupies tonight, just the best friends a girl could ask for called Cadbury and Lindt.

P.S. There’s ALWAYS space for chocolate!!

P.P.S. And here are the indulgent selfies, cos if there isn’t a selfie, were we ever really there???

Saturday 19th January 2019.

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Bath crawl

Waking up to Kyles already having put in a couple of hours working from home, it was nice to wander downstairs, make a coffee and know there was nothing urgent to do. Except eat my crappy cheescake and the Tesco chocolate cake for breakfast. For a £2 choccie cake, that was damn good! Today’s plan was to get away for a weekend in Bath. Next to Finland and York, it was the other place on my I Wanna Go To list. Having booked a cute Airbnb some time back when we first conceived the idea, we just needed to get there. Easy as. Download an App, put in times, book, pay, digital tickets. If only everything in life was this easy!! With some time on my hands I did what was supposed to be a quick check of work emails, to date there hadn’t been anything overly urgent or worthy of my attention when I don’t have to. Jeebus. Some shit had hit the fan at work and I spent the next few hours plugging away to try get things in order.

Once I’d calmed down and switched off Australia, it was time to prepare for my last weekend of holidays. Ugh. Yuck. Why do holidays have to end?? But are they actually holidays if you never go back to work? Maybe then it’s just life??

Anyhoo, while I’m flapping around Kyles is ever the professional working her butt off taking work calls, Skype meetings and just getting shit done. Once packed with my weekend kit, I felt the sugar crash and was desperate for anything green. Legging it to Sainsburys around the corner I bought a big bunch of broccoli to add to our dodgy pre-made supermarket salads. Probs the first healthy meal I’ve had since Kylie’s awesome Christmas roast. Not rolling in cash but rolling in other ways!

With a 4.30pm train trip, it was relax time – completely speaking for myself. The dedicated Kyles worked the whole two hour ride while I got my votes in for the Triple J Hottest 100. I really do lack any pics today so my top 10 list will have to do!! #1 Ocean Alley.

Walking out of the train station in Bath and it’s everything I expected, and then some! The 15 minute trek to our Airbnb took us past all the beautiful white sandstone buildings, cobbled streets and the quaint English pubs on every second corner. Once again I was the dork walking along muttering wow! Having gone the cheap room route for our Airbnb, I half expected a broom size closet in a dodgy back alley. Walking into our room at Romany Guest House, one of the gorgeous terrace buildings it was a mixture of relief and wow. Big old style Victorian room, our own beds, lounge chairs, telly and kettle. I think Kyles is getting sick of my sleep talking so happy for her she has her own bed for a change!!

Having already spied the cute pubs on the way through, it was an easy choice to pub crawl our way through Bath. It is after all only 50 meters between each pub and a convenient half circle of pubs surrounding our accommodation.

Our crawl took us from the fancy Green Park Brasserie to the The Bath Brew House where we both had the quintessential English dinner, ham, egg and chips, washed down with a beer. Kind of made having the broccoli for lunch redundant!

Next stop at Trinity Inn saw us pick up some groupies, two young English chaps, not yet of legal drinking age in the US, wanting to tag along on our crawl. One called Joe and the other some J name, they were kinda funny, young Joe had googly eyes for Kylie all night and wanted to take her on a date to the zoo. Oh bless, dates to zoos just don’t happen anymore. After hitting up The Cork, The Canon and The Gin Palace with our groupies, it was time to exit stage left. I think Kyles broke young Joe’s heart!

Friday 18th January 2019.

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Happy birthday!

Being her first birthday away from home, I was so glad to be there for my bestie. Moving to a different country, finding a new job and making new friends is a hell of a brave thing to do, she’s an absolute kick arse human being. So after good morning birthday hugs, unfortunately Kyles did have to go to work so I needed to find something to do to pass time until her birthday celebrations. Having been lucky enough to have visited London a few times before, I’d done all the big attractions like Buckingham Palace, Tower of London, Hyde Park etc so today I was looking for something different to do. Someone along the way mentioned going to Greenwich where lives the meridian line. Coolies, I’ll do that.

But first, boring life maintenance like washing and fun life maintenance like popping to Sainsbury’s for a birthday cake. My idea was to buy a cake and decorate it beautifully so we could celebrate tonight when we get home from dinner. Probs should have been better at adulting and found an actual bakery and bought a beautiful cake befitting of the birthday girl. Instead it was a packet cheesecake, biscuit fingers and some crappy icing writing pens. It’s the effort that counts right? Anyways, heading off to Greenwich about midday, onto a bus to Brixton Station then 10 tubes, most in the wrong direction so it took me about double the time to get there. Maybe I still need more sleep.

Finally in Greenwich with insane hunger pangs I found the Greenwich Markets and a Cuban sandwich. My gosh, how have I never had one of these before? Ready to be annoying and take another food photo, I pulled out my phone and crapola. That’s a new record, only 1.5 hours from 100% to flat. Lucky I have my trusty power pack… and no iPhone cable. Seriously sucking at adulting today. So instead of enjoying the beautiful clear blue skies, I spent the next hour searching shop to shop for an iPhone lightning cable. Would have been quicker if I could have googled where to go but that wasn’t an option. So finally all charged up, food and phone, ready to explore.

But first, back to that Cuban sandwich!! Flatbread, pulled pork, ham, cheddar cheese, pickles and mustard. Oh my yum!!! I see many of these in my future. And here’s a nice pic from google to show just what I mean:

Unfortunately being a Thursday the Greenwich markets were only half arsed, most stalls were empty and the few that were open were a bit average. But, the market area itself was quaint and cute so I could imagine on a bustling weekend they would be fabulous.

Not really having a plan for the day except to find the meridian, I wandered around Greenwich and quite literally stumbled onto everything. Turn a corner and whoa, there’s a big damn ship, the Cutty Sark, a British Clipper ship, fastest and one of the last built before steam shops took over (thanks Google!). There was a museum thing underneath but to be honest, I’m all museumed out.

And just behind the Cutty, the River Thames with views of Canary Wharf and over to the London city centre. I was considering visiting Canary Wharf but Kyles said it was like Wall St, suits and ties and not a lot of fun. Unless you’re rolling in cash. Definitely not rolling.

Where to next? I look to the right and there’s the Naval Academy. That’ll work. Gorgeous buildings and lawns, lucky sailors!

What’s that other big building in the background? I’ll mosey over there. It’s the National Maritime Museum. Can’t swing a cat without hitting a beautiful old building. Not that I’m complaining, it makes being a tourist super simple. And with a phone going flat every 2 seconds, it helps to not rely on Google Maps.

I really had no desire to do museums today so I just settled for a couple of pics of the outside then wandered next door to the Queen’s House. Hmmm. No exactly what I expected, I guess it is a house not a palace, kicks the arse of my house I guess.

And then I look behind me, just more gorgeous buildings and views of the city.

It might be possible I’m taking for granted how historic and beautiful London is. I’ll probs get back to Adelaide and be disappointed not to see a beautiful old church or historic monument on every corner. Or I’ll just be happy to stare at the beach?!?

So through the beautiful sandstone archway and I spy up the hill the observatory. Someone up there knows I’m lazy AF today and is making this real easy!!

Just a note, the blue skies and sunshine in the pics does not mean that it’s warm by any means! The leggings, scarf, shirt and blazer I’m wearing to try be a bit fancy for tonight’s birthday celebrations are proving beyond inadequate. Maybe legging it up the hill will warm me up.

Think I really needed to climb Kilimanjaro, or some other mountain in a warm climate to get any sense of warmth, still freezing and starting to think museums will be the go, at least they are warm! At the top of the hill, the views across London are spectacular, distracting me from the cold momentarily, but not enough to have a real smile in selfies, instead the fake gooby smile I do when I’m uncomfortable!!

London is bloody massive, makes Adelaide seem like a little country town. No wait, it is… Into the Observatory and I made a beeline for the meridian line. Can’t say standing with one foot in the eastern hemisphere and the other in the western is on my bucket list but feel like it kinda should have been. So, patiently waiting for my moment on the line, I realised that on my touristy adventures in Greenwich today I’d already crossed the line about 10 times, but being the super tourist and having a new addiction to selfies, I waited like a tool and got a few.

I tried to feign interest in the museums and listen to the audio guide but after 30 seconds I was done. Instead I found a warm room and thawed, planning my next move… Right, Uber to the Emirates Sky Line cable car thingo, scenic ride across the river then a couple of tubes to Camden for birthday dinner. You know what they say about best laid plans! Down the hill to the road and my super awesome phone no longer has an internet connection for Uber. If I’d backed up my phone again since leaving I would have been very tempted to just throw the piece of crap in the river. Instead, I found a Costa Coffee with free WiFi and in my freezing coldness ordered a large mocha. Got this – bigger than the spaghetti bowls I have at home, and tasted like a cross between cheap chocolate and mud.

Luckily their WiFi is booming. Had a choice, try again for an Uber to the Skyline thingo, do that then 2 tubes and an hour and a half to get to dinner, arriving in Camden for our 7.30 dinner date. Or just take the tube to Camden and drink gin while I wait for the others. Gin always wins.

In Camden, a quick zip into Tesco to stash a choccie cake in my bag, kinda thought Kyles would appreciate a birthday cake at dinner, and more than just me singing to her. No one needs to hear that. I then did the google thing cos my phone liked me again, trying to find a pre-dinner drinks destination to meet Kylie. Jazz Cafe, Amy Winehouse frequented, awesome I’ll head there. Walked into a band setting up, not open yet. Some other cool sounding African themed bar, massive place and only one other person in there. Hmmm, I think Google is sick of me and purposely sending me to crapola joints. Ugh. I found the birthday girl and instead we headed to our dinner location, they do gin, it’s warm and 100m from where we were standing.

Although an hour early to The Blues Kitchen, our table was ready and as were we for all the gin!! Cheers and happy birthday Kyles!!

We were only two drinks in when Kyles buds Mel and Pete arrived. Two awesome people, Mel was from Adelaide so it was nice to not have to concentrate so hard on what someone was saying, or be paid out for my Aussie bogan accent. The dinner was beyond delicious, beef brisket with burnt ends, and after a cocktail called a Zombie I was finally warm and content, and probs a little bit tipsy!!

Being in the presence of a birthday girl, the restaurant bought out a plate of deep fried Oreos to celebrate, trumped my pissy cake so that just stayed in the hand bag. They were so good there isn’t even any photo evidence, you don’t wait for pics when deep fried Oreos are a waiting!!

Being a school night, we headed home with full bellies and a nice gin buzz. My gin buzz turned into a different kind of buzz when I got to snuggle up to Jon Snow at the tube station… I’m lucky Kylie is still my friend, my dork level was at an all time high!!

Once back at Kyles, I was excited to get my masterpiece cake out for a final celebration, unfortunately I suck and the cake ended up looking like this:

Sorry Kyles, I tried but anything food related, except eating, is just not my forte!! So instead I did what I do best, ate cake.

Thursday January 17th 2019.

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Recovery 3.0

It wasn’t a massive night by our standards, probs home around 2am but we still needed another day of recovery. With Kyles having her first week back at work and me running around London trying not to miss a thing, I think we’re both pooped!

So more Netflix, Deliveroo and couch time.

Finished watching the series You on Netflix. Addictive and disturbing. Dan Humphrey will never be the same again. And still can’t quite come to terms with the end, did not see that coming, had hope…

Luckily the ribs and wings from Chicago Rib Shack helped overcome the disappointment! Mmmm, may need to book two seats for the flight home…

With an impending flight to Glasgow in the AM, we did one useful thing today, shower and pack… oh, that’s two!

Sunday 13th January 2019.

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